How to Counsel a Teen With Gender Identity Issues

Transgender people feel, often from an early age, that they were born in the body of the wrong sex. In other words, a boy may feel he's spent his entire life trapped in a girl's body, or vice versa. While teens often experiment with different identities, playing off your child's announcement that he or she is transgender can feel extremely invalidating. According to the Center of Excellence for Transgender Health, teenagers who know they're transgender go on to be transgender adults 100 percent of the time. With those numbers, it's very unlikely your child is just going through a phase.

Instructions

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      Express your unconditional love for your child. Validate his feelings and desires without judgment. Telling a parent they're transgender is almost always terrifying for a teen, so understand that he didn't come to this decision lightly. Acknowledge his bravery in telling you something you know was extraordinarily difficult for him.

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      Mourn in private, especially in the days or weeks following the announcement. Your child doesn't want to know she broke your heart, and she might see your grief as a sign that you don't want her to be who she really is. If you need support, call on your spouse, a family member, a therapist or a close friend.

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      Make a medical appointment for your teen immediately. An endocrinologist can discuss options for hormone treatment and the therapy required before prescribing it. If your teen has not yet begun to go through puberty -- an experience that can be devastating for a transgender child -- he can start taking hormones that will prevent or reverse the development of secondary sexual characteristics.

    • 4

      Find positive role models for your child. Education and a sense of community are the most important things you can provide, besides your own support. Give her books by transgender activists such as Kate Bornstein and Les Feinberg. Show her the documentary "Trinidad," about gender reassignment surgeon Marci Bowers, who is herself transgender. Your teen needs to see that transpeople grow up to be happy, successful and raise families.

    • 5

      Use your teen's preferred name and pronoun, even if it feels strange at first. Practice telling people you have a son when you previously had a daughter. Have a friend or family member who is the same sex as that to which your child is transitioning -- a transperson, if possible -- take him shopping for gender-appropriate clothes if you don't feel comfortable doing it.

    • 6

      Invest in self-defense training for your child. The harsh reality is that transgender people are often the victims of hate crimes, and the ability to protect themselves in case of an attack can save their lives. It's one more way you can ease your mind and help your child feel confident about living in her new body.

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