How to Encourage a Teen's Independence

As a parent, you have spent years caring for and protecting your child, guiding her every step as she grew. But as she becomes a teenager and enters new stages of development, she will naturally want to spread her wings. This can be frightening for both of you, as you re-balance your relationship and discover a new normal. Helping your teen navigate the ups and downs as she gains independence will make this transition as successful -- and safe -- as possible.

Instructions

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      Encourage your teen to fully express herself. She is trying to discover who she is and is not, a vital undertaking during the teenage years. Accept that she may not like the things you do or have the same opinions, and get to know her as a person in her own right.

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      Help your teen to discover her world. As your teen tries to figure out where she fits in, give her opportunities to try new activities and sports and to meet new people; she may discover a lifelong hobby or career path in the process.

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      Establish ground rules for safety. As your teen tries out new behaviors and methods of self-expression, and gains new skills like driving and cooking, she will still need parameters to keep her safe. Negotiate rules when you can to give her a sense of ownership, but make sure she knows safety is a priority and is not negotiable.

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      Allow your teen to make mistakes when safety is not an issue. It̵7;s natural to want to step in and solve problems -- which you̵7;ve been doing for years. But now is her chance to make small -- and big -- mistakes and learn from them while the stakes are lower. She will also learn valuable problem-solving skills, and develop resilience and self-control.

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      Hold your teen accountable. For instance, if she continually oversleeps and misses the bus, charge her gas money to drive her to school. Now is the time for her to learn that her actions matter in the bigger world and affect others as well as herself.

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      Teach your teen life skills. Your teen should be starting to learn how to do her own laundry, cook basic meals, keep her room and the house clean, manage money and drive safely in various situations. Increase her responsibilities as she gets closer to college age so she is ready to fully take care of herself when it̵7;s time to move out and be fully independent.

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      Remind your teen you will always be there for her. As she spreads her wings, make sure you let her know you will be nearby whenever she needs you. This safety net will make it possible for her to have the confidence she needs to fly into her future.

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