How to Be a Better Parent to Your Teens

Try not to smother them. Okay, you have to realize when your teen is going through this stage of growth. They want to be independent and more grown up. Even though they clearly aren't established with enough life experience, to be quite like this. Yes they get mouthy, and act as if everyone around them is completely wrong, dumb, or doesn't understand what they are going through. Trying to throw in your wisdom and much more experience in life will more times than not will fail with them. They can't truly grasp anything they don't know about. More importantly, they usually don't care. Nothing you says really changes this. Believe it or not, most of what they'll learn about life can't always come from telling them. I'm not saying you shouldn't speak your mind to them on the rights and wrongs. Just don't force it too much. They are going to have to find out and learn from themselves eventually. You could tell me everything about life until you were blue in the face, but what I'd actually process this info at that age, probably would very little to none at all. The only times I'd realize these things, when I started to enter adult hood. It wasn't because of the wisdom others shared that were right. It was because I had to find first hand with experience. I know parents want to smother and try to protect them from every mistake. The lesson learned, you can't in life. Sometimes they have to experience this on their own.

Listen to them. When I say listen, let them feel important enough to be able to talk to you. Don't always put down their opinions about things, or mistakes even when you know they are wrong. You got to remember they're really sensitive and under quite a bit of pressure this age. They're developing interests in boys or girls. They feel they need to look good in front of others. At the same time, don't force it on them to talk to you. At this age kids start to shut their parents out of their lives more. Don't take it personal, they still love you. Look I know, and you know that 99 times out of 100, you can see a situation with a lot more clarity than them. It's very easy for grownups to forget what it's like at that age. We know grownups were once this age, but sometimes our own experience gets a bit diluted. We tend to either remember the good, or bad in our past. We don't remember everything consistently. Listening to them and truly giving them respect will go along way in getting them to give that respect back in return. Maybe not always as much as you'd like. But hey, at least some will be gained. You can't just be perceived as an authority figure, otherwise they are going to do the opposite just for spite. Most kids want to be rebellious at this age. They don't want to listen to anyone.

Let them see the mistakes they make for themselves sometimes. Obviously if they are in a situation that is extremely dangerous, or really bad. You'll definitely have to flex some serious authority. Sometimes when they are making a mistake, you don't have to always be the one to point this out. You come across the bad guy if you always do this. The more you fight with your teens, the more they are going to want to do these things that are wrong. You can't always be the bad guy, even if you're right. You are just going to push them further away no matter what you do. Just to try to get back at you, or prove you wrong. Sometimes teens drink, get into a little trouble. As troubling as that can be, they aren't throwing their entire life down the toilet. I'm not saying parents should condone these sorts of things. Sometimes it's better to let something go, than turn into an even worse problem.

Avoid embarrassing them. Biggest mistake you can ever make as a parent, embarrassing them in front of friends. This is the easiest way to make them hate you, and refuse to ever listen to anything you do. My own mother did this to me as a kid. Didn't matter what I did, she truly could never grasp how wrong this was. Look parents are right about things most the time. I agree, but NOT all the time. To this day, I can clearly see why this was a true error in my mothers parenting. I know she meant well and just wanted to see me do better. At that age, teens and their friends mean everything to them. The way they look in front of their friends, which is wanting to be cool and accepting. So yelling at them, or acting super overprotecting in FRONT of their friends is bad news. I'd avoid this at all cost. If you want to tell them to be home at certain time, try to tell them alone. Or if they're doing something you don't like, call them up to talk to them alone. Then yell or say something that you didn't like. Your kids will at least learn to appreciate that you aren't trying to show them up in front of friends. It's about trying to earn their respect at that age, because I tell you it's very, very, very hard. Teens think that everyone else is an idiot. Which truth of it is, no offense to any of your kids, it's them that just doesn't have a clue how most things work. Hey I was just like that too. :)

Talking about drugs and drinking. I realize parents will never, ever, condone drinking or drugs. Of course you shouldn't. First few times they do it, have a serious talk to them. Maybe don't even grown them, the first time. Look kids are going to experiment at times. There's nothing you can do. I think most kids at least do, as troubling as that can be. I'd push your kids to join sports, if you're really worried about these things. The kids that develop a seriously addiction to these substances. Are either ones very rebellious, or two just flat out bored. Because majority of kids who do play a lot of sports, don't have much time for partying. They are much more focused. Tell your kids to NEVER, ever drink or drive. Big no-no, tell them if they ever are out drinking. To call you, instead of driving or getting into the car with someone else who's been drinking. I want you to flex this important detail, more than the drinking itself. Promise them you'll be much lighter and understanding, than you'd be if they drove home drunk. If they ever drive home drunk, you can rip them a new one and take away their car. Or you got into the car with someone drunk, big time punishment. Make your kids active, that's the best way to avoid the drug and drinking scene. If your kid continues to go down this path, send his or her ass to rehab or let the cops deal with it. I never said don't lay down the law. I just think tough love should be the last option.

Let them know you're reasonable but still the boss. The most important part of parenting teens is being reasonable. You have to try to compromise, not just think about what you want for them. What they want too, which is a bit of fun. If they do good, then sometimes you should be more generous. Maybe they get to stay out a little later. Now if you think the kid is taking advantage of you, toughen up a bit. You want to get to the point where the kid realizes if they DO behave, they'll actually benefit from it personally. So when they do get in trouble, they might not learn a lot about why it was wrong know. But they'll at least learn maybe I better listen. With more privileges and freedom. So that should at least help. You can't just lay down the law, and give them nothing. Never, ever works. They'll sneak behind your back and won't really care that much since you make things so tough anyways. If your kid is so wild, so bad, no reasoning or nothing can be done. Send them to military school. They need the kind of discipline that you might not be able to give them. Mothers will hate this, fathers should consider it and explain to the mother. Hey, this should be the last option. It might save their live though, and turn them into what they need to be.