Setting Consequences for Teens

Setting consequences for teens is more difficult than doing the same for a younger age group. Teens have more complicated lives, are willing to experiment with new behaviors and are less likely to feel threatened by the old-fashioned ̶0;timeout̶1; that might have worked a few years ago. Consequences for teens should benefit both the teen and the parents by teaching the teen a lesson as well as what to do the next time she feels the urge to misbehave.

  1. Importance for Teens

    • Teens are unruly -- compared to other age groups, at least. At this age, with their changing views, beliefs, social groups and even physiology, teens are likely to act against their parents̵7; wishes, engaging in risky or inappropriate behavior that breaks the boundaries that have been set. This is an integral time for parents to reinforce their method of rule-setting and consequence-setting. But according to counseling psychologist Michael Riera, author of ̶0;Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers,̶1; an obstacle exists: Teens want to be independent, free from the control of their parents. So, parents who set up consequences should do so transparently, letting their teens know why the consequences are in place rather than simply administering punishment.

    When to Set Consequences

    • In general, the best time to set a consequence is when you set a rule. This lets your teen know the expectations and that you have already made a decision to enforce your rule. In many situations, parents know when to set a rule. For example, upon getting a driver̵7;s license, a teen is usually bursting with excitement to hit the road. Parents can see the potential for problems, and therefore set the family rules for driving. But because teens are often unpredictable, parents cannot always know when to set rules. Sometimes a teen does something inappropriate that her parents have not yet discussed with her. At such times, parents still need to decide on an appropriate consequence, lest the child think that the lack of a specified rule means no consequences.

    Consequences as Lessons

    • Consequences should not be arbitrary, but teach a lesson. For this reason, the best consequences are those linked to the teen̵7;s infraction. A teen boy who seems himself as the next Picasso should have his painting rights restricted if he uses his paints in the wrong way, such as vandalizing the neighborhood gas station. Of course, clear exceptions exist. Parents should not use violence to teach teens a lesson about violence, for example. The best consequences are those that teach a lesson by removing a parent-given privilege, while allowing the teen to think about his actions.

    Post-Consequence Brainstorming

    • Simply administering a consequence is not always enough to solidify the lesson in a teen̵7;s mind. After the consequence, parents should engage in a one-on-one or one-on-two brainstorming discussion with their teen. As you̵7;ve already administered a consequence, the teen knows what will happen next time he repeats his misbehavior, but he will not necessarily know what to do in place of that misbehavior. For example, if his infraction was due to peer pressure, parents should discuss with their teen different ways of reacting to peer pressure, searching for a viable solution. In this discussion, it is important to let the teen do the brainstorming so that the solution is ̶0;his̶1; and not from his parents.

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