Blended Family Issues

Blended families combine the unique traits of two or more families and are often referred to as "stepfamilies." Problems in blended families may include defiance from children, pitting of the original parent against the new parent or the parent who is no longer in the family, a perceived loss of love or increased sibling rivalry. Blended families also have the opportunity to gain strength because of different perspectives and coming through adversity together.

  1. Defiance

    • Children in blended families may become more defiant. The change of parents can cause a child to feel unsettled in life, and that may result in uncooperativeness. The children can also feel confused about liking the stepparent and being loyal to the biological parent. Stay flexible and open to trying new discipline tactics while you strengthen your new marriage. Maintain realistic expectations for everyone in the family and sort out discipline issues as a couple.

    Divide and Conquer

    • Blended families may find that children pit the parents against each other. This may happen within the new marriage or with the parent who is outside of the blended family. Sometimes children are testing to find out whether this will last or if the love of their parents is still strong. Parents should not compete against one another. Stay in charge as the parent, so the children know that there are still house rules and that your marriage will remain solid.

    Perception of Less Love

    • Children can feel like there is less love when families blend. Changing circumstances can cause a child to question even the most basic things in life, such as her parent's love for her. Treat everyone in the family with love and make sure this is done daily. Kids need reminders. If they see one family member valued more than another, they may not say anything, but it is affecting them. Talk about how love can grow to include more family members. Share your love of the new relationship with your children.

    Sibling Rivalry

    • Stress can cause kids to pick on each other more than usual. If there are new siblings from the blended family, they may be finding their way to getting along as well. Teach them effective ways to resolve conflict and be there to assist when they need it. Be objective and demonstrate that you love them equally, even though you also love them uniquely. Answer any questions they have about your love for them directly.

    Potential Strength

    • Blended families can build on the problems they experience. When families experience challenges they can become strong together. Use problems as opportunities for growth and remember what brings you together: love.

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