How to Tell Children About Divorce

United Front

• Prepare for the conversation ahead of time with your spouse. It's important that you agree on what you're going to tell your child, and that you break the news together, advises KidsHealth.org. It helps to stave off confusion, presenting her with a single, cohesive story, and by doing so together it demonstrates that this is a mutual decision. "Let your children see that even though the two of you have differences, that you will be working together to get everyone through this trying time," says child expert Dr. Ruth Peters. No one parent is leaving the other, meaning that trust is preserved within the triad in your child̵7;s mind.

Straightforward Please

• A divorce is confusing for a child regardless of how you explain it, so make it as simple as possible for your youngster. Keep the explanation short and sweet, says the American Academy of Pediatrics. Try for no more than a few sentences. Within them, explain simply that Mommy and Daddy agree that one parent is going to get a new house and she is going to stay here with the other parent. Have your visitation arrangement figured out beforehand so you can also let her know precisely when she'll get to visit with the parent who is moving out. If there has been a substantial amount of tension in the home, let your child know that this arrangement is going to help ease that tension. Do not tell your child that Mom and Dad don't love each other anymore ̵1; it's an easy leap for him to then assume you could stop loving him, too.

Blame Game

• Unfortunately, ̶0;it̵7;s nobody̵7;s fault̶1; isn̵7;t a concept young children are likely familiar with. It's easy for a child to feel at fault for the separation, says KidsHealth. He might assume it's because he failed a grade in school or because he hasn't been keeping up with his chores properly. Be preemptive and explain emphatically to your child that he is not to blame. "Tell them in no uncertain terms that this is an adult problem, brought on solely by the adults, and one that can be dealt with by the adults," says Dr. Peters. Even more unfortunate, he might not let you know that's how he's feeling. "Confirm that there's nothing that they can do to get the two of you back together in the same house, but that they can help both of you out during this time by letting you know their feelings and discussing any concerns that they have," adds Dr. Peters. Make sure he knows that it's not singly Mom or Dad's fault either to avoid creating anger issues toward one parent.

Moving Forward

• Children are curious creatures and they like to know what̵7;s going on ̵1; particularly when it involves them. Once you̵7;ve shared the information about your divorce with your child, be prepared to be bombarded with a myriad of questions, from where she will sleep at night to whether she can still go to summer camp. Be patient and shower her with plenty of love. She̵7;ll need an increased amount of affection from both of you during this time of transition. Increase hugs and kisses, and snuggle up with an extra story every night. Be prepared for the topic to come up again and again. Your child might ask the same questions over and over again for days, weeks or even months.