Parents Who Spoil Kids & Can't Afford To

Why Kids Keep Asking for Stuff

• From a behaviorist perspective, once you give a dog a bone, it̵7;ll keep coming back for more bones. Kids don̵7;t usually consider their parents̵7; finances before asking for a fancy toy or the latest gadget; most don't understand the concept of finances. Kids also might be driven by a concept known as social comparison. The social environment is remarkably important to children, especially as they get into their teens. When they see their friends getting attention for their clothes or a new gadget, they might feel compelled to do so, too.

Parents Who Give In

• The phenomenon of wanting is natural in kids. Similarly, the phenomenon of wanting to please their children is natural in parents. What̵7;s not natural, however, is giving into all your child̵7;s demands. Psychologists such as Cornell̵7;s Kimberly Kopko have looked into what kind of parents are most likely to spoil their kids and have found that such parents tend to employ a specific type of parenting style, called ̶0;permissive parenting.̶1; Permissive parenting is characterized by an urge to agree to all your kids̵7; demands and negative emotions linked with denying your kids what they want. Permissive parenting tends to be a poor parenting style, both for your wallet and for your kids.

Consequences

• The consequences of overindulging your child hurt more than your bank account. A child who is accustomed to getting everything she wants will grow up with less ability to regulate her emotions, according to John Gottman, developmental psychologist and author of ̶0;Raising an Intelligent Child.̶1; By not saying ̶0;no̶1; to your kids, you rarely give them the opportunity to deal with reconciling their urges and emotions, which can lead to impulsive behaviors in the face of true stress or difficulty. In addition, according to Gottman, children growing up in this type of family will do worse in school and have a harder time making new friends.

What to Do

• Stop spending money you don̵7;t have. While it might be hard to say ̶0;no̶1; to your darling child̵7;s face, it will be worth it when you don̵7;t have to explain to your kid why you can̵7;t afford your mortgage payment. The circumstances that require a ̶0;no̶1; are opportunities to help your child grow. Don̵7;t just stop at ̶0;no,̶1; but continue with an explanation. Give a rational reason why you can̵7;t buy everything your child wants, and help him cope with his emotions by helping him think of ways to satisfy his needs. For example, after refusing a request for a drum set, tell your son something along the lines of, ̶0;Drum sets are expensive and it would be irresponsible of me to buy one for you right now. Maybe this a good chance to find another way to express your musical talent, such as by joining the school band or by practicing singing.̶1; By offering solutions, you can turn a ̶0;no̶1; into a bonding experience.