Why Some Children Never Feel Loved by Their Parents

Conditional Love

• If a child senses strings attached to love, making the love dependent on behavior or actions, this love may become conditional and almost unattainable, according to psychologist Laura Markham, with the Aha Parenting website. A child will make mistakes, have behavior issues and fall short or deviate from the plans or dreams parents have for her, but this shouldn̵7;t have any connection with parents̵7; love for the child. Misplaced or inappropriate anger and manipulation by parents may lead a child to conclude that she is ̶0;bad̶1; or unworthy of love.

Investment

• Parenting requires an investment of time and energy in a child. As parents spend time raising a youngster, this is a tangible effort that demonstrates the value parents have for the child, according to the Oregon State University Extension Service. Feeding and clothing offspring are important, but they're not enough to impart strong feelings of being loved and valued. A child needs to feel an unhurried connection coming from parents to demonstrate that parents prioritize him.

Joy

• The parenting experience can be hard and challenging, but it should not be devoid of joy. If parents communicate an attitude of drudgery and distress to a child, the underlying message the child receives may be that he is a burden. Instead, parents should strive to find the joy and the blessings that accompany raising a child, and demonstrate these feelings of wonder. Parents should also express their love for a child regularly, both verbally and physically, with expressions of ̶0;I love you,̶1; hugs, kisses and cuddles.

Respect

• Negative discipline that tears down a child̵7;s spirit and squashes his self-esteem can be devastating. In contrast, positive discipline uses respect to teach a child important skills and behaviors that will enable the child to succeed in life, advises the University of Hawaii Center on the Family, in the publication, ̶0;Feeling Wanted, Feeling Loved.̶1; When parents correct misbehavior gently and respectfully, a child learns in a positive climate and he often feels strongly motivated to please parents. Discipline that teaches a child why an action is wrong and what you want a child to do instead is respectful and positive for the youngster. Modeling this respect also teaches the child how to interact positively with others.