Getting Boys to Work

Diagnose the Problem

• Determine why your son is resisting the work you want him to do, at home, at school or on the job, so you can develop a plan to help him. Ana Homayoun, author of "That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week," says she sees five frequent problems that can cause boys to fail: trouble multi-tasking, over-involved parents, technological distractions, sleep deprivation and fear of making wrong choices. Michael Thompson, author of "The Pressured Child," points out that 28 percent of your child's life will be spent in school, and the way he engages emotionally with his school can affect the rest of his life. Conversely, difficulty or emotional upset outside of school will affect his school performance.

Set Reasonable Goals

• Discuss your expectations with your son, and set up an achievable set of goals for him. Involve your spouse and your child's teachers in the plan. As an adult, you know that life expectations can pull you in many directions. This is true for your child as well, and he doesn't have as much experience balancing the load. An article for the School A to Z website, titled "Ten tips to help boys succeed at school," lists mutual respect as the first tip for helping your son succeed. When you listen respectfully to his views of a problem, you validate his point of view.

Help Him Organize

• Provide appropriate tools to help your son organize his life. Homayoun recommends a three-ring binder with labeled divider pockets for organizing homework. Most schools now provide day planners for students. Set a daily or weekly time to read through the planner together. A bulletin board, dry erase marker board or even the front of your refrigerator can be a place where the whole family leaves organizational notes and schedules. Work with your son to avoid over-scheduling without allowing him to avoid essential duties such as helping with chores at home.

Positive Feedback

• Reward your son when he succeeds. This can be as simple as saying, "Well done." Allow him to enjoy any added free time developed from better work habits, rather than piling on more responsibilities. Add small, age-appropriate privileges such as later bedtime, more computer or TV time or added visiting time with friends as rewards. Surprise him with a gift of an item he wants, but has not had the money to buy for himself. Above all, praise him for his hard work, and even for partial successes. Feeling good about himself will help him to continue to learn and grow.