How Does a Parent Use Positive Discipline Techniques?

Reward the Good and Ignore the Bad

• Positive discipline means rewarding the good behavior and distracting from the bad behavior. When the child does as he's supposed to, parents should always let him know that they are proud of the way he is behaving. When he becomes upset or frustrated, the negative behavior should be ignored and his attention should be redirected to another activity. This may mean removing the child from a situation, or carrying his favorite toys at all times in order to provide him with distraction during outings.

Time Ins

• Positive discipline uses time ins instead of time outs. This means removing the child from the situation that is causing her frustration and taking her to a calm, quiet area where she can calm herself down. This can be in the corner of a room on a chair or blanket, with books to read or soft toys to cuddle. Parents should let the child know why she is being taken to the quiet spot and how long she will need to stay there. After the time is up, the child should be asked to apologize and told that she did a good job calming down. Kisses and hugs help her to understand that her parents are happy with her and love her.

Avoid Anger and Physical Discipline

• Parents should avoid yelling, name calling or physical discipline. Yelling only intimidates children, while name calling can seriously damage their self-esteem. Using physical punishment sets a poor example, showing them that hitting is a good technique for dealing with frustration. If parents feel that they are becoming frustrated, it is okay for them to give themselves a time out and back away from the situation until they feel calm. Often, this can be done at the same time that the child is receiving a time in. Parents can use the time to sit in their own quiet area and practice relaxing breathing, while reminding themselves that the child needs a calm, kind example of how to handle anger.

Talk to Children with Respect

• Parents should get down to the child's level and talk to them with respect. This helps a child to feel important, and like his parents value him as a part of the family. Parents should use calm moments to tell the child what is expected of him before a crisis arises. This may mean letting him know exactly where the family is going before an outing and how he needs to behave. When he is following the rules, parents should tell him how happy they are with his behavior to encourage him to continue acting that way.

Provide Physical Comfort

• Physical comfort is helpful when a child is having a hard time calming down. If the child is upset, parents can provide hugs and kisses and help her to understand that her feelings are okay and that her parents are there to help her feel better. Often, temper tantrums in children stem from confusion and over-stimulation, and simply having a parent provide physical comfort gives the child an outlet to feel calmer and happier.

Communicate with the Child

• Positive discipline works well when combined with lots of communication with the child. Parents need to help their children understand what emotions they are feeling throughout the day and teach them what they can do to cope with intense feelings. Young children have a hard time understanding exactly what they are feeling, so they just act out in an attempt to cope. Parents can make statements such as, "I know you are feeling frustrated because you were asked not to chase the cat. Why don't you try playing with your plush cat instead?" These statements help the child to put a name to what they are feeling and find a solution to help them feel better.

Avoid Difficult Situations

• Positive discipline is easier if parents think ahead to avoid difficult situations. If the child is moody at a certain time of day due to the need for sleep or a snack, parents should avoid taking the child out at that time. This can help to prevent temper tantrums in public caused by over-stimulation of an already tired child. For children who become fussy when hungry, it helps to always carry snacks on hand in case of emergencies.

Avoid Threatening Behavior

• Parents should avoid threatening or intimidating children when they misbehave. These behaviors only scare kids and can lead to damaged family relationships. Threatening children can cause them to develop serious fears of the threats coming true. Bribery should also be avoided, as bribery only teaches children to behave when there is a reward involved and can lead to them not listening unless they are going to get what they want.

Teach About Natural Consequences

• Instead of creating negative consequences to bad behavior, parents should provide their children with opportunities to learn about natural consequences. Some examples of natural consequences is that kids will need to clean up after themselves if they make a mess, or they will lose their favorite toy if they keep taking it out of the house and throwing it on the ground. Parents can provide their children with two choices in certain scenarios, and then the kids can learn the results of their choice. An example of this situation is letting the child choose fruit or cereal for breakfast and then not allowing them to change their mind; they must either eat the breakfast or wait until snack time.

Say Yes Instead of No

• Parents should focus on saying yes more than they say no to their children. No is a negative word, and parents often tell their children no without giving them an explanation. Instead of saying, "No, you can't play with your toys," parents can say, "Yes, you can play with your toys as soon as you are finished with your homework." This allows children to understand why they are being told no and what they will have to do to get what they want.