Setting Affection Boundaries With Children

Respecting Others

• Talk about feelings with your child to teach empathy and an awareness of how other people feel, advises author and clinical associate Steven C. Atkins, in an interview with Scholastic̵7;s Parent & Child. You might say, ̶0;Remember the other morning when you were feeling grumpy and you wanted Alex to leave you alone? Everyone feels that way sometimes, and it̵7;s important to pay attention so we know if other people feel grumpy.̶1; Help your child understand that if she perceives that others want space or distance, it̵7;s important to respect these wishes.

Appropriate Versus Inappropriate Touching

• Provide your child with an overview about appropriate and inappropriate touching to help create a foundation of boundaries. You might call these different touches ̶0;good touches̶1; and ̶0;bad touches,̶1; suggests the Stop Child Abuse Now of Northern Virginia website. Explain to your child that a good touch is helpful or expresses love and care. Examples of good touches include hugging, lifting a child to reach something out of reach, a high-five or a caregiver changing a diaper or dressing a baby. Explain bad touches by telling your child that any touch he wants to stop immediately is a bad touch. Examples of bad touches include pinching, poking, hitting and touching private parts.

Setting Personal Boundaries

• While you may want your child to act friendly and loving with extended family and friends, children often don̵7;t feel the need for these social niceties. Give your child the authority to decide her own personal boundaries with others to ensure that your little one listens to her instincts and feelings about touches and interactions. Urging a child to ignore inner reservations about boundaries could lead to future vulnerability with bullies, friends and adults, warns the KidPower website. If your child doesn̵7;t feel comfortable with touches from others, help her speak up to set boundaries or speak on her behalf, if necessary.

Communication

• Maintain ongoing communication with your child about boundaries and safety to help keep him safe. Warn your child that sometimes people who make mistakes might ask him to keep a secret and not tell anyone. Stress that your youngster should never keep these kinds of secrets and he should always tell you if an adult tells him to keep a secret. Regular and open communication should help keep your child comfortable talking about issues with you.