How to Stop Children Who Are Manipulative

Managing children who are manipulative is challenging. Children who are manipulative may lie to parents and teachers, sneak out of the house or classroom, trick others into doing chores or assignments for them and blame others for their mistakes. It is difficult to trust a manipulative child due to frequent lying. Mild manipulation is normal and harmless. However, some children use their behavior to gain control of a situation or others or to get what they want. There are ways to effectively manage manipulative behavior.

Instructions

    • 1

      Provide consistent responses to your child when he attempts to manipulate you. If he asks you to buy him something and you refuse, do not give in when he throws a fit, cries or begs. If you give in to this type of manipulative behavior, he learns that this behavior is effective and he will continue to use it to get what he wants.

    • 2

      Collaborate with your spouse or other caregivers about how to respond to the child's requests. If a child learns that he can go to someone else to get the answer he wants, he will take advantage of the situation. Discuss general expectations and rules in advance to prevent manipulation, and agree to consult other caregivers before making decisions that have not been addressed. For example, if your child asks to go to a party Friday night, inform her that you will have to talk to her father before you give her an answer.

    • 3

      Explore what is behind the manipulative behavior. If this behavior has begun recently, think about any changes that may have occurred in the child's life. If the behavior has been ongoing, consider what may have triggered it or during what situations it typically occurs. Manipulative behavior is often an ineffective way of dealing with problems, and discovering what triggers the manipulation may help you and the child solve the underlying problem.

    • 4

      Empathize with the child when he uses manipulative behavior and talk to him about what is going on. Children often manipulate when they feel angry, sad or helpless. Expressing to the child that you understand how they feel may help him learn a healthier way of expressing uncomfortable feelings or coping with difficult situations. While the child may not immediately respond positively to this approach, continue showing your support until he feels comfortable speaking honestly with you.

    • 5

      Respond calmly when the child attempts to manipulate you. Becoming frustrated and angry lets the child know that she is pushing your buttons. This feeds into the power struggle by giving her a feeling of power over you. Remaining calm diffuses the situation and prevents a power struggle. This may initially lead to an increase in manipulative behavior as she will try harder to get a reaction from you, however, she will eventually see that her efforts are futile.

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