What to Say When a Teacher Wants Your Child to Be Retained

Many parents are understandably upset when they first learn that their child's teacher will recommended he be retained at the same grade level the following year instead of moving on with his peers. Although it is not a decision to be made lightly, it should not be viewed as failure, either. Sometimes, retaining a child produces positive effects that improve his academic career, but experts warn that this is only true in some cases, such as when the child's poor performance is the result of poor attendance and that attendance improves when the child repeats the grade.

  1. Ask

    • Ask the teacher to explain the reasons for recommending retention. This should include any areas your child struggles with, as well any other conditions that may affect her ability to perform well in school, such as absences due to illness. This is the time to discuss any difficulties she may face outside of school, such as chronic illness, sleep difficulties or suspected disabilities, as it allows both you and the teacher to reach an understanding of the factors affecting her ability to perform well in school.

    Listen

    • Listen carefully to the teacher's explanations and ask questions if you do not understand. Do not move on to a new topic until you fully understand your child's academic difficulties. The teacher will provide you with documentation to support her recommendations. This may be in the form of a written report of your child's progress, test results or samples of your child's work.

    Discuss

    • Children in pre-K or kindergarten may take retention in stride and simply make friends with their new classmates because they do not yet understand how the system is supposed to work. Older children may have a more difficult time adjusting. Retention may result in feelings of failure, low self-esteem and developement of a negative attitude towards school, which may in turn result in a higher likelihood your child will eventually drop out of school. Discuss how retention is likely to affect your child socially, emotionally and academically.

    Explore Options

    • Explore other options with the teacher. Sending your child to summer school or hiring a private tutor may be workable alternatives for children resistant to the idea of retention, but it does require commitment and effort. If you have doubts that your child is willing to put in the effort to bring her academic skills up to par via summer school or tutoring, or the teacher does not think enough progress can be made in this time frame, these options may not be a good choices. According to the National Association of School Psychologists, promoting children to the next grade while providing evidence-interventions is more likely to benefit low-achieving students than either retention or promotion alone.

    Considerations

    • Although teachers typically recommend whether a child is promoted or retained, in many schools the final decision rests with the parent. Consider the risks involved in promoting your child to a new grade if he is not academically prepared to do so. In your zeal to avoid the negative impacts of being retained, you may force him into a more stressful situation. He may find himself in a position where he cannot compete with his peers and suffer feelings of defeat and failure despite his promotion to the next grade. Proper interventions can lessen the effects of low achievement.

      If the decision to retain your child is made, use caution when presenting it to him. Emphasis on the positive aspects of retention, such as more time to master the skills or the opportunity to participate in activities he enjoyed at this level, instead of viewing it as failure, may help your child accept the decision.

    2. Previous:

    Next:

    • How to Read Aloud for Parent Involvement
      Reading aloud to children has lifelong educational and emotional benefits. Children, even as young as infants, crave attention and bonding from their parents. Reading aloud not only gives them those benefits but also helps them to become better reade
    • How to Teach Your Kids to Own Their Mistakes
      One day I asked my daughter Drew, who was 8 at the time, a seemingly innocuous question: "Why'd you leave the car door open?" "Because … I … well," she began, huffing and gesticulating like a guest on Dr. Phil. 
    • How Much Time Should Be Spent on Play?
      Though kids play for the pure thrill of it, play time confers many benefits that go beyond simple enjoyment. Much of what children learn is discovered through play, so its not just a way to pass the time until the next big event in your busy schedule