Rules to Establish Boundaries in Dysfunctional Families

Children raised in dysfunctional families tend to grow up without a clear idea of normal boundaries and limits. Common issues include lying, irresponsibility, excessive need for approval, lack of follow through and impulsiveness, according to the website Adult Children of Alcoholics. When working or interacting with dysfunctional families, therapists, teachers, friends, employers and others need to establish rules to help maintain their personal boundaries and teach these families what normal boundaries are.

  1. Rules About Safety

    • Because people who were raised in a dysfunctional family may be impulsive, dramatic and erratic, their actions may affect your safety and the safety of their own family members. If you are interacting with a dysfunctional family, you need to discuss rules that are mutually agreed upon to protect everyone. These rules may include not giving your personal phone number or address to the family, asking family members not to use alcohol or drugs and asking them to follow all laws.

    Rules About Respect

    • People from dysfunctional families may be confused about their own interpersonal boundaries so their behaviors may be intrusive and disrespectful. Develop rules that include respect for property such as "Take off your shoes when you come into the house," respect for personal space such as "Don't touch anyone without asking" or respect for others such as "Say please and thank you." State the rules in a cool, unemotional fashion; be direct, model these respectful behaviors yourself and give immediate feedback when rules are broken.

    Rules About Responsibility

    • Each person in a relationship has responsibilities toward each other to make the relationship work. For example, when working with dysfunctional families in therapy or social work, both parties must agree to show upon time, decide what needs to be accomplished by each party and how long you are going to work together. Help families learn what can be reasonably expected from relationships. For example, explain that other people can make you feel better but they aren̵7;t responsible for your happiness.

    Consequences for Breaking Rules

    • "It is impossible to set boundaries without setting consequences," according to an article posted on the Indiana University̵1;Purdue University Fort Wayne Student Assistance Center website. Encourage family members to set realistic consequences and ensure each person is willing to follow through. Give concrete examples of how to set appropriate consequences by saying something such as, "I can't continue to have a relationship with you if you aren't holding up your end. If, after I share my feelings you continue to disrespect me by not following my boundaries we cannot have a relationship anymore."

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