How to Deal With a Mother-in-Law Who Gives Unwanted Parenting Advice
Most parents receive unwanted parenting advice from time to time. Dealing with this type of advice from strangers or friends is often easier than dealing with it from members of your immediate family, especially if the family member happens to be your mother-in-law. While some parenting advice from your mother-in-law is likely to be useful and warrants further consideration, a lot of it can probably be taken with a grain of salt. When your mother-in-law̵7;s parenting suggestions are outdated or do not suit your parenting style, it is important to handle her advice in a constructive manner.
Instructions
Let your mother-in-law know that you value her opinion. The simplest way to do this is to actively listen while she is speaking. Maintain eye contact if you are speaking to each other in person, and do not interrupt her, even if you disagree with her parenting advice. Keep in mind that your mother-in-law is only trying to help. Before you take offense or become upset, consider the fact that she has the best interests of your children in mind. After all, they are her grandchildren, and she surely believes that her advice will enhance their well-being. Acknowledge your mother-in-law̵7;s parenting advice. Whether you intend to consider her advice or not, respond to her as respectfully as possible. According to Karen Kleiman, clinical social worker who specializes in women's issues, a simple "Thank you for the advice" is sufficient. Kleiman also suggests that it is perfectly fine to let your mother-in-law know that you have your own way of doing things. Be honest about how you feel. Bottling up your frustrations is likely to make you resentful and may even cause an inadvertent outburst, during which you say something you will regret. If your mother-in-law is constantly telling you how to care for or raise your children, calmly inform her if it bothers you. Let her know that she will be one of first people you consult when you are in need of parenting advice. Inform your mother-in-law about changes regarding child safety practices and health care recommendations. For example, she may not know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends infants should be put to sleep on their backs to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome. Other child care recommendations that older generations may not be aware of include limiting juice intake, introducing solid foods between 4 and 6 months of age and securing children in car booster seats until they reach specific age and weight or height requirements. Keeping your mother-in-law up-to-date on current health and safety guidelines for children is a great way to eliminate much of her advice regarding these areas of parenting. Ask your spouse to back you up if your mother-in-law continues to provide relentless advice. Veteran clinical psychotherapist Dr. Deanna Brann, an expert on mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships, recommends approaching your mother-in-law as a team to convey the message that you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to parenting.
