How to Get Along with a Difficult Grown Daughter/for Mothers

The mother daughter relationship is very complex. Some mothers have a great relationship with their grown daughters. Many mothers and daughters can barely stay in the room together for more than 10 minutes. Before getting started on the following steps, think about your relationship with your own mother. Remember how much she annoyed you.

Instructions

    • 1

      Ask your daughter to sit down and have a discussion with you privately about your differences. If she refuses, ask if she would go to therapy with you to work on your relationship. If she still refuses, send her a letter using the following steps as a guide.

    • 2

      Choose your words carefully. Daughters are very sensitive to what they consider criticism coming from their mothers. Your words may be so subtle that you don't even realize you're criticizing.

    • 3

      Admit to your short comings and mistakes as a mother. This will require swallowing your pride. Daughters want you to own up to how you have hurt them in the past. Even if you perceive differently, owning up can go a long way to repair the relationship. Decide that you are going to be the grownup.

    • 4

      Don't give unasked for advice to your difficult daughter. There's nothing a daughter hates more. This suggests to your daughter that you think she's incompetent and incapable of making responsible adult decisions.

    • 5

      Tell your daughter that you are no longer going to accept how disrespectfully she speaks to you. Use "I" statements. Rather than saying, "you speak so disrespectfully to me." Say, "I will no longer accept the disrespectful language." Keep in mind that you also have to treat her with respect.

    • 6

      Tell her you love her and reinforce this often.

    • 7

      Let it go. It might take a long time for these strategies to take affect. After a reasonable amount of time, let's say six months, if nothing has improved, pat yourself on the back and accept that you've given it your best shot. Accept that your relationship with your daughter may mean minimal contact or no contact at all. Let your daughter take the lead on this. Get on with your life.

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