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Mom of 5 says when you invite one of her kids to a birthday party, ‘you get all of us’

A popular parenting influencer has sparked a heated debate about birthday party etiquette. Jeena Wilder, a mom of five from Columbia, South Carolina, recently shared a video confessing that when one of her children gets invited to a birthday party, she takes it as an opportunity to bring all of her kids. Some parents think the mom’s stance makes sense for parents with big families, but others are accusing her of committing a birthday party faux pas.

Wilder took to social media to share her unconventional approach to party invites. In her video, one of her kids hands her a fake birthday party invitation. She looks at it, waves a hand, and then her entire family marches out in a line behind her to head off to the fictional event.

“If one of your children is invited to a birthday party does that mean all of your kids can go? ⁣I’m Team The Whole Family Goes,” Wilder writes in the video’s caption.

To her credit, Wilder acknowledges that not everyone shares her point of view. “I know that not everyone feels that way, so I always make sure I spend a little bit more on the birthday gift than the average person would to make up for it,” she explains on Instagram.

On TikTok, she also shares a reason for bringing all of her kids along to every event, and it is pretty darn relatable: “My husband works a lot, and most days it’s just me and the kids.”

Wilder says she always RSVPs and asks the hosts if it’s OK to bring all of her children along. But even the mom’s thoughtful explanations weren’t enough to prevent internet commenters from going to war in the comments on her posts. 

“That’s so rude to me,” one person writes on Wilder’s Instagram post. “If my child is friends with your child through school, church, sports [or] what have you, and invites them to their birthday party, that doesn’t mean my child is inviting all your other children. That seems just very intrusive and entitled.”

“This makes no sense,” another person adds. “I’d be handing you the $20 per extra kid bill! Either stay home or send only the invited. Why would a 10-year-old boy want their friend’s 5-year-old sister there?”

Others saw Wilder’s side, though, either because they don’t mind the extra company or because they can relate to her struggles as the parent of a large family. 

“I would never invite a kid and not expect siblings,” one person writes. “And, if I didn’t expect siblings, I would definitely specifically say so. My family is also a package deal.”

“If I was a parent and all the siblings showed up, as long as they were well-behaved and polite, I’d be so surprised but really happy they came,” another person adds. “The more the merrier, right?!”

In a follow-up post, Wilder defended her stance on parties, stating that she never leaves her kids at events unsupervised, not only for child care reasons, but also because she has a multiracial family, and she wants to protect her kids from bullying, racism and unsafe situations.

“Many parents are way too comfortable dropping their kids off at birthday parties and sleepovers without even knowing or introducing themselves to the other parents,” she says. “In our household, that’s a no-go. We often hear stories about children going to kid parties or sleepovers, and at that party, there is a child who is being bullied, harassed or even racially targeted. Very often, we hear, ‘Where were the parents?’ In our household, it’s not going to be like that.”

Parents may disagree on whether or not it’s rude to ask if uninvited guests can attend a party, but Wilder’s thoughtful follow-up video is a reminder that every family is different, and there is no single “correct” way to handle most parenting situations. This mom is doing what she needs to do to keep her kids safe and look out for the unique needs of her children, which is something every parent can understand.

Wilder says she realizes not every host can accommodate her large family, and there’s no hard feelings if she has to turn down an invitation, but she isn’t going to apologize for holding a firm line on how she handles these events. 

“Things will be different when they are teenagers and they’re more mature to be able to handle parties by themselves and know when they need to call me,” Wilder adds. “As kids? It’s not happening.”