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Responding to Other People's Concerns About Your Decision to Homeschool

Page 1

Responding to Other People's Concerns About Your Decision to HomeschoolAlthough homeschooling has increased dramatically over the years, it is still relatively uncommon. It is human nature to at least question, and sometimes fear, the unusual, so you can expect that some people will have concerns about your decision to homeschool your children. Some of these people will voice their concerns directly to you.

There are two general types of people who might question you about your decision to homeschool your kids.

Some people will have genuine concern for your kids and might just be ignorant of the benefits of homeschooling. These people often include family and friends. Usually, you should be prepared to respond to their questions in an informative and nondefensive way. Of course you have your kids' best interests at heart and if these people have the same concern, there is common ground for discussion. In many cases, you can respond to their questions in a meaningful way to reassure their concerns and make them feel comfortable and even sanguine about homeschool. And, you can often learn things from these discussions that will help you better prepare your kids for life.

Others have a political or social agenda that they feel is challenged by homeschooling; these people aren't really interested in the reasons you feel homeschooling is the best option for your kids, but are more interested in defending their agendas. People in this category are usually easy to identify as they will quickly become hostile when you respond to their challenges. When you sense someone in this camp is questioning your position, you should decide if the conversation has any potential for benefit. Often, you might decide that such a person isn't really interested in a discussion and simply wants to propagandize, in which case further discussion is a waste of time. However, sometimes even people with an agenda are willing to listen to reasonable arguments, in which case you might be able to help educate them about homeschooling.

In the remainder of this section, you will see some common questions or objections you are likely to receive from either type of person. For each objection, possible responses are provided to help you better inform others about homeschooling. The objections are grouped into six general categories.

Note:
When you are defending your decision to homeschool, try not to be defensive about it. The fact is that homeschooling stacks up well to all the other educational options and soundly "beats" them in my opinion. In the end, you decide that homeschooling is best for your kids. Be comfortable and confident in that decision and you will be better equipped to educate others about homeschooling. Because dealing with our kids can quickly get emotional, especially when someone challenges our decisions about our own kids, such discussions can get out of hand, especially if you aren't confident in your choice. You don't need to worry about convincing anyone that homeschooling is the best choice for you; all you should try to do is to present some of the reasons you have chosen to do so. It is up to the other person to evaluate these reasons for themselves.

Page 2Socialization
This is definitely the most commonly expressed concern and is stated in a number of ways, such as the following:

• What about spending time with kids their own age?

• What about friends?

• How will they learn to deal with other people?

• How will they learn to deal with the real world?

• Some of my best memories are from my school days, aren't you depriving your kids of this opportunity?

• Won't your kids be too sheltered?

Although this list contains some of the more common ways this concern is expressed, it is by no means exhaustive. This class of concerns is far and away the most common you are likely to hear when people find out you are homeschooling. The ironic thing is that homeschoolers actually have better socialization opportunities than do their institutionally educated counterparts (as you'll find out in the list below).

Following are some points that you might use to respond to socialization questions:

• Kids being primarily influenced by their peer group (by spending all day with other kids their own age) isn't a good thing, actually. It amazes me that the most common cause cited for problems such as drug abuse, unwanted pregnancies, and other such issues is peer pressure. And yet, many people still think that kids spending most of their time being influenced by other kids in an institutional setting is a good thing. It seems clear that less peer pressure and more "parental pressure" on kids can only be good for them. It is much better that kids be primarily influenced by their parents and families than by other kids who lack the maturity and wisdom needed to guide their development.

• Homeschooled kids have more and more varied opportunities to interact with other people than "regular" school kids do. If you look at how typical school kids spend their days, they are basically "locked" in a situation in which the vast majority of their interaction is with kids their own age, with some of that time being unsupervised or inadequately supervised. Homeschoolers, on the other hand, have a more varied social life and spend lots of time with their parents and families, other homeschooled kids (typically of a wider age range than they deal with in regular schools), as well as adults during activities such as field trips, special projects, and so on.

• Contrary to what many people think, homeschoolers are not isolationists. In fact, the reality is just the opposite. Effective homeschoolers spend lots of time with other people, such as with homeschool groups, field trips, music and other activities, and so on.

• The "nostalgia" objection is also false. Most people tend to remember only the "good" times at school and seem to forget all the abuse that goes on in typical school environments (teasing, taunting, bullying, cliques, and so on) even for kids who mostly fit in. Heaven help the kids who don't fit in! Homeschoolers generate plenty of their own good memories, without many of the painful and unproductive experiences of institutional school environments.

• Because homeschoolers tend to spend more time with a variety of people (rather than mostly with kids their own age), they tend to develop better social skills than do traditionally educated kids. Most homeschoolers are more comfortable interacting with adults, older kids, and younger kids than their institutionally schooled counterparts.

• Homeschoolers spend lots of time with their parents, especially with the parent who manages the homeschool. This is a good thing because the parent is able to help the child develop in a positive and purposeful intellectual and moral climate.

Page 3Effectiveness of Education/Qualifications to Teach
The concerns in this group are related to the effectiveness of homeschooling and generally come from two assumptions. One is that someone who doesn't have a teaching credential or education can't teach effectively. The other is that someone who does have a teaching credential or education can teach effectively. Both assumptions are not based on reality. Let's address the first assumption by considering the following points:

• Homeschoolers outperform their counterparts on standardized tests. On average, homeschooling simply works better than institutional education does.

• Homeschoolers can learn more efficiently than institutional school kids, which results in more learning in the same or less time. Actual instruction time in most school situations can be boiled down to 2-4 hours per day when you take away all the wasted time, such as commuting, various breaks, waiting for administrative activities, and so on. Plus, homeschool's pace can be set for each student, unlike the typical classroom in which the pace is usually based on the lower end of the performance spectrum, often leaving high-performing students bored and unchallenged.

• Two of the factors most cited as being critical to successful education are the level of commitment (involvement) of the teachers to their students and the ratio of students to teachers. Homeschooling comes out way ahead on both of these counts. No one cares more about your children than you do, so you are highly motivated to ensure that they are educated well. And, your student-to-teacher ratio will be far better than any institutional situation. If you have a large family with 5 kids, your ratio is still only 5:1 while a typical public school class might have a 25:1 ratio.

• Although you are the primary teacher in your school, you aren't the source of all the information provided to your students. You use the same or better textbooks than institutional schools use. Plus, you have much better access to other resources and can take advantage of these resources more easily than traditional schools.

• You can, and should, take advantage of tutors and outside classes to supplement areas in which you might not be able to teach effectively or just to broaden your children's experience.

• Homeschoolers learn to think independently. Because they aren't part of a "pack," homeschoolers tend to develop more independent thinking skills than do their school counterparts. This better prepares them to succeed in college and careers.

• You know your students much better than any formal teacher would. This enables you to tailor your instruction more closely to each student's personality and needs better than that which might happen in a public or even private school.

The fact that someone has a teaching credential by no means guarantees that they are an effective teacher. I am sure anyone who was educated in an institutional school (as I was) can confirm this. Plus, teachers are often overloaded and don't have the time to spend making sure students are learning to their potentials, especially if a student doesn't learn well using traditional techniques.

Page 4College
The ability of kids who have been homeschooled to get into college is of concern to many. This might have been a challenge at one point, but the situation now is that many colleges allow, or actively support, homeschoolers into their programs. This is because several studies have shown that homeschoolers tend to perform well above the average in college. And, many colleges recognize that homeschoolers tend to be more mature and have less potential for "getting into trouble."

For colleges that base acceptance primarily on standardized tests, such as the SAT, homeschooling is not a problem because homeschoolers can take such tests as easily as institutionally educated kids can. And, homeschoolers tend to perform better on these exams than the average.

Most colleges that also consider high-school performance, activities, and other elements of an institutional education, allow homeschoolers to present portfolios for consideration in the application process. This gives homeschoolers as much opportunity to be accepted as any other students.

Sports and Activities
This group of concerns is focused on the opportunities for kids to participate in sports and other "extracurricular" activities. The bottom line is that homeschooling actually allows kids more opportunities to participate in sports and other activities.

Most activities that are available to kids in school are also available to homeschoolers. For example, any activities that aren't tied to a specific school, such as traveling sports leagues, are available to homeschoolers. There are also many sports that are available specifically to homeschoolers, for example, basketball leagues. These leagues offer the same opportunities as school-based sports, with cheerleaders, tournaments, and all that goes with school sports.

Because homeschoolers have more flexible schedules than institutionally educated kids, they actually have more opportunities to participate in activities. For example, homeschoolers can participate in activities that occur during school hours, such as arts programs, service opportunities, and so on.

And, homeschools usually involve more activities than do institutional schools such as field trips, projects, and so on.

The only activities that might be unavailable are those that are directly tied to a specific school, such as football or baseball teams. I wrote "might be" because some schools allow homeschoolers to participate in their team sports.

Page 5Legal Concerns
Some people wonder if homeschooling is legal. The fact is that it is legal in every state in the United States as well as many other countries. Suffice it to say that if you are familiar with the legal requirements for homeschooling in your state, this should be a very easy concern for you to address.

Public Schools
Frankly, this is one of the silliest objections to homeschooling there is. The basic concern is that people are worried about the welfare of the public school system if too many kids take advantage of alternative options. Personally, I wouldn't even dignify this concern with a response, but there are several possible responses as you can see in the following list:

• Removing kids from public schools doesn't directly affect the funding those schools receive; homeschoolers pay the same taxes that support public schools that everyone else does. In fact, removing kids from public schools improves the funding per student ratio because the same amount of funds educates fewer children. Because the effectiveness of public education is largely believed to be a result of the amount of funding provided to it (which isn't true by the way), people who have this concern should actually be glad you have removed your children from the public schools.

• Many public schools are failing to educate kids effectively. There are numerous studies that show that the effectiveness of public schools continues to decline. Why would I want my child to be part of a failing system just to support that failing system?

• Decreasing enrollment in public schools, through private schools, homeschooling, and other options, should increase the pressure of competition on those schools. Competition will have a positive impact on the public schools and should result in improvements in the public school system.

Defending Against Formal Attacks to Your Homeschool
Fortunately, it is highly unlikely that you will ever need to use the information in this section (which is why most of the chapter is devoted to defending your homeschooling decision when challenged informally). Because homeschooling is a legal and well-recognized right in all the states in the United States as well in many other countries, the odds are that you will never be in a situation where legal authorities are involved in your homeschool. This is especially true if you do your best to comply with your state's regulations governing homeschooling.

In rare situations, there might be some attempt at legal interference with your homeschool. Any legal challenges are most likely to come from your local public school district officials. If your homeschool should be legally challenged in some way, don't attempt to resolve the case yourself. Seek legal help immediately.

The best source of this help will be an attorney who has experience in homeschooling issues. An excellent source of such help is the Home School Legal Defense Association. You can contact the HSLDA via its Web site (www.hslda.org) or by telephone (504-338-5600).

Tip:

• Besides making sure you comply with your state's requirements, documentation can be your best defense in any legal situation. Always keep your homeschool well documented and maintain your documentation in an organized way so that you can use it effectively should you ever need to present it.