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High School and Higher Expectations

Parental involvement

High School and Higher Expectations I am an advocate for my kids, in the truest sense of the word. I made it my responsibility to inform all of their high school teachers, counselors, and principals that our family goal was for them to attend college. I would ask, "How can you help us get there, and what do we need to provide for you, and what do we need to do to help ourselves?" Understand that teachers who have any love for their profession want to be a part of their students' successes. When you, the parent, inform a teacher that the family has high expectations for their student, then that teacher takes on a whole different attitude with the student. The teacher begins to nurture, encourage, challenge, and motivate that student toward success.

But the teacher is only one part of the equation. The student and the parent have to stay just as motivated. When Chris started high school, I started my habit of keeping track of his absences and tardies on my calendar at home. If he was absent from school, I made a note. If he missed the opening bell because of a dentist appointment, I made a note. When his report card came home, I checked the number of days he was reported out or tardy, and I verified it against my records. The days tallied, and I knew Chris wasn't skipping school or showing up late without a good reason. This was a pretty easy way to keep tabs on him, and he knew I was doing it and I don't think it bothered him. In a way, it pleased him that I cared so much.

One semester in his junior year, he came home with a report card that showed three times as many days absent from school as I had on my calendar. When I asked him about it, he looked at the report card and his eyes got very wide.

"That must be a mistake, Mom," he said. "Maybe there was an error in the computer." He assured me that he had not been skipping school.

While I was prepared to believe him, I also needed to check with the school to make sure. The next morning, I went with Chris before school to the vice principal's office and showed him the report card with the excessive number of absences. He spoke up immediately.

"Oh, Ms. Chandler, I'm so sorry. We are planning to notify all the parents that there was a glitch in the reporting of the days absent for all the kids. I don't think any of them went out correct. Chris was here when he says he was here."

I was relieved that everything was all right, and as I left his office the vice principal said to me, "Hundreds of report cards went out with the wrong number of absences, but you're the only parent who has called or stopped in to check up on it."

I reminded him that I have the highest expectations for my children and that they are supposed to attend class every day. Chris smiled and said, "Yeah, my mom's on it. We don't even try stuff because we know we can't put anything over on her."

I had to laugh at how well my son understood me!

I also had to inform the vice principal that I would be in his office anytime something came up during Chris's four years at that school, because my children and I were college bound. Anything that threatened to derail that goal needed my immediate attention. One of my first high school visits, even before that day in the vice principal's office, was to the counselor's offices.

Good Counseling Counts
I stress this in every workshop and class I teach: You have to get to know the school's counselors. Make sure they know what your expectations are for your student, and enlist their help in keeping your student on a college path. You and your student should become your high school counselor's best friends. Make appointments, and I mean several, throughout the four years, to discuss all of the possibilities and then visit, together, the college resource center. You should learn how to do the research along with your student, and book time to surf the Internet, look at catalogs, and sample applications.

You have to keep track of what your student needs to graduate from high school. It's great to be college bound, but you have to achieve high school first. State requirements vary, and even within states requirements change, so talk to your student's school for the current graduation minimums. Here is your checklist of all the basic things you need to keep in mind in high school. Don't be afraid to add things to my list--this is just a starting place for you.

• Meet with teachers and counselors every year.

• Discuss your higher-education goals with teachers and administrators every year, and in between as needed.

• Encourage the teachers at your school to contact you to voice any concerns they have about how your student is performing in their class or in school in general.

• Know the course requirements your student needs to graduate and refer to them often.

Year by yearHigh School, Year by Year
For the parents in my Transitioning to Middle School workshop, I always run through the four-year expectations for high school students. The parents are usually a bit overwhelmed by the idea of high school, but with plenty of information and early training, by the time their student attends high school the parents are prepared and know what to expect.

When a student becomes a freshman, everything starts to count toward graduation and college. Freshman courses, grades, and credits all become part of a student's transcript, and freshman grades are used in determining a student's grade point average (GPA). Freshman activities, honors, and awards can also be listed on college and scholarship applications. High school is the big time! All that preparation you've been doing, developing good habits and encouraging academic excellence, will really start to show in high school.

This doesn't mean you can slack off with any of the involvement you've already practiced. Your teen might not act like it, but your involvement in their school is still important to them. Now is the time to become familiar with high school graduation requirements. Sit down and figure out with your student which classes she should be taking. Investigate test requirements. If your high school has an exit exam--a test your student must pass in order to graduate--you should know about it now. Continue to attend any parent-teacher conferences, and start going to college financial aid nights and/or college fairs. No, it's not too early. While you're at it, look into any career orientation programs or resources, and visit the college resource center. Familiarize yourself with these things now--you're going to be using them a lot in the next few years.

Sophomore year is an important one for personal growth and the development of the interests that will carry your student into an adult future. No longer a freshman but not yet an upperclassman, the sophomore has a certain amount of freedom to explore. Use it! Get your student involved in any activities that interest her--you're working on identifying strengths, abilities, aptitudes, and interests here, so encourage a wide range of possibilities.

• Keep track of academic progress to make sure goals are being met.

• Testing starts in tenth grade, so you need to prepare for practice SATs and ACTs.

• Join career development clubs on campus.

• Volunteer!

• Keep college in the conversation.

Junior year is when students need to think seriously about their postsecondary options. College tests, college visits, and the search for scholarship money begin now. Aren't you glad you know where the college resource center is?

As a junior, your student needs to register to take the SAT (Scholastic Aptitude Test) and the ACT (which used to stand for American College Testing but now goes only by the acronym ACT). If test-taking isn't your student's strong suit, then you might want to consider taking a course specially designed to help kids get through the SAT. Ask at your counselor's office or look online for a course near you. While you're online, you can investigate colleges. Send away for brochures from any that meet your requirements (you'll need to read the college chapter in this book first). Take the time to narrow the choices down to about six, seven, or eight colleges that your student could see himself attending. And, as always, keep an eye on general academic progress. Slips in grades now can still be remedied in summer school.

Everything comes together for a senior. The rewards of all the hard work become visible. You still need to keep careful track of dates of tests, college application deadlines, and scholarship application deadlines. Academics can't be allowed to fall victim to senioritis (the disease that affects those soon to be graduated): Despite senior parties, senior proms, and senior status, homework still has to be done and projects still need to be completed. Once applications are done and college acceptances start arriving in the mail, you need to help choose a college.

It's easy to get overwhelmed by the demands of high school. Your student could easily feel lost or drowning. If they didn't get time-management lessons in middle school, now is the time for a crash course.

In their four years of high school, they need to learn such things as how to take notes, how to do research, and how to write up the results of both. Good study habits learned earlier need to be reinforced. Students also need to keep up with the technology around them. Kids usually don't have a problem with this, but as parents we have to remember to encourage what we ourselves might not be all that tuned into. Computers and the Internet are necessary to a student's survival, so typing classes are a must.

At the same time, a college-bound student needs to take as much math and science as is offered as well as all their college-required courses. If you think this sounds easy, then try running it by your teenager. They'll tell you it can be fiendishly difficult. But it's not impossible.

As if this weren't enough, colleges are looking for students with a solid grounding in nonacademic subjects as well. Participation in service clubs, church, sports, or any volunteer activity is, to a college admissions officer, an indication of a well-rounded person and an attractive candidate for college admission. Even better, if your student takes a lead role in student government, school spirit groups, or extracurricular activities, then colleges are going to notice and respond favorably.

Extracurricular activitiesDo It All
High school offers so many opportunities for kids; I tell my workshop parents to take advantage of them all, but in real life no one can. Take on as many as you can, then, and work with your student to decide which programs--curricular or extracurricular--make the most sense for her. Programs like special interest clubs, music, choir, theater, sports, cheer, dance, and academic competition are just some of the programs available to students in high school. And that's just through school. All those things exist outside of school, plus there are activities like Scouting, community volunteering clubs, church groups, and social clubs that can be related to school or completely separate. These activities are not only a good way to show on a college application that a student is well rounded, they can provide academic and personal advancement, not to mention maturity and self-esteem.

Advanced Placement (AP) classes are college-level courses offered in high school. While AP classes offer a deeper look into the subject they cover and therefore greatly increase the student's knowledge of the subject, they have other benefits as well. At the end of the school year, students take the AP exam in the subject they're studying. If they pass, the class is then an equivalent to a semester of college. Take enough AP classes and pass enough AP exams and your student starts college with some of the basic requirements out of the way. This strategy is both a money saver (you're not paying for college credits) and a time-saver (your student's college schedule now has room for other things beyond English 101). AP classes also look good on your student's college application, since they are a good indication that he can handle college-level material.

You have a powerful role as a parent. As much as it's true that your kids are going to be the people they are meant to be no matter what you do, it is also true that your encouragement (and discouragement) will shape their path in life. Help your student make the right educational decisions that will lead to a degree and a productive career. Be involved in your student's subject choices, schools, and extracurricular activities. Dream along with them--fight the dream destroyers and don't become one yourself. It is up to you to keep a wary eye out for the people in your child's life who will try to deflate a dreamer and head them off before they do any harm.

Helping your student decide on a field of study is just an extension of what you're already doing if you've followed the guidelines in this book. Encourage exploration, nurture their talents and preferences, and enroll them in classes that stimulate their interests. Sometimes that will mean keying into a volunteer opportunity or exploring a new extracurricular group.

While in high school, both of my kids also participated in a four-year college preparatory program, Upward Bound, sponsored by the University of California, Davis (UC Davis). The program was developed to give first-generation (no one in the family has graduated from a four-year college) low-income students the opportunity to attend college. From the end of their sophomore high school year through the end of their freshman year in college, they spent six weeks of each summer vacation (summer residential program) attending the university taking individualized academic and special-interest classes, earned up to ten high school elective credits, and experienced the college environment. For six great weeks, they lived in the campus dorms, attended classes, visited the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland, Oregon, camped out for several days, participated in a talent show, and staged their own graduation festivities.

During the school year, university students tutored and counseled the Upward Bounders (UB'ers), helped plan holiday parties and get-togethers, and took the high school students on statewide college tours. That is how Chris and Corey decided on the schools they would attend. Chris first chose the University of California at Irvine but he finally decided to attend UC Davis. Most important, the Upward Bound program helps students prepare for the college entrance test (SAT). I have become a self-appointed spokesperson for the program because it works! The staff works diligently to improve each student's grade point average, increase their learning skills, helps to elevate the student's self-esteem and confidence and enrich their academic and social development. Each summer when Chris and Corey returned home, I witnessed a new maturity in them. They were more serious about their academic performances.

College preparationUpward Bound isn't the only college prep program in the world. Use your student's summers to expand and enrich their education. College campuses often sponsor internships for high school students. They also offer tours and outreach to high schoolers looking for a taste of the college experience. As parents, we have to look for the programs in our region and encourage our high school student's participation.

Look into innovative programs like UC Berkeley's California Early College Academy. This program allows disadvantaged high school students to finish high school while earning college credits, kind of like a small college inside a high school. Funded by the Gates Foundation's Early College High School Initiative, tuition is free and students are admitted based on socioeconomic need. And I wouldn't be doing my duty if I didn't point out what a great program Upward Bound is; check online to see if a university near you features a UB course. Another option to look into is school-to-work programs like the Regional Occupational Program (ROP), which offers tuition-free off-campus on-the-job training during high school hours. This helps kids develop job skills and investigate possible career choices. They even receive high school credits for school-approved jobs. ROP classes are open to anyone sixteen years and older. Students receive classroom orientation, then are placed at a training site four days a week and return to the classroom one day a week. While most jobs in the program do not offer a wage, some do, and some also offer a vocational certification process.

So Many Choices
Helping our kids make tough decisions is a big part of parenting. It's not just about choosing college, sometimes it's about making a choice between what's wanted and what's needed. All through their lives we have to show our kids how to reason and think things out by viewing the pros and cons of any situation. Practice making sound decisions should begin early, as I've discussed above. And it doesn't end when the kids hit high school--you may think they've reached the age of reason, but your guiding hand is still needed for a shove in the proper direction.

Chris tried out for the reserve basketball team during his freshman year at Florin High School. Somewhat to my surprise, he made it. I could not remember Chris being much of a basketball enthusiast earlier in his life, but I was all for his involvement in sports as long as it didn't interfere with his studies, but the dip in his grades that inevitably corresponded with basketball season was always made up in summer school. And as you'll learn from this book, a college-bound student needs more than academics to look attractive to a college. Involvement in sports is a valuable building block in a college application.

For weeks, he faithfully attended practices and for weeks he sat on the bench, firmly established as a second-string player. He was occasionally injected into the last remaining minutes of the game when his team was well ahead. Basketball was more of a hobby, something recreational to pass the time, and a good way to belong to something big. It wasn't a bad way to attract the girls either.

He kept working at his on-court skills and finished his junior year on the varsity team. We all understood he wasn't going to win any college scholarships for his on-the-floor talents, but he was still having fun. At the beginning of his senior year, he had to try out for the varsity team, but it was understood that the tryout was just a formality. He would be on the team if he wanted it. But this year, I had a few concerns to express to him about this most important year.

Make the right decisionsDespite his best efforts, his grades always took a hit during basketball season--never enough to really make me think seriously that he should quit the team, but enough to make me concerned. The nights of practice immediately following the school day usually lasted until late in the evenings, sometime past 9:00 p.m. He would then be up doing homework well past midnight. The summer between his junior and senior years he had to attend summer school to get his GPA back up to a 3.0. This really concerned me, as this was now his final year and he would not have the summer to raise his GPA before graduation. Our agreement that basketball came second to academics seemed to have gone out the window.

Chris and I had a serious talk. We discussed the possibility that he would get an athletic scholarship as opposed to an academic scholarship, and even he agreed that the potential lay with the latter. I suggested he seriously think about our family goal of his attending college and how difficult it would be for him to maintain his current grade point average during the upcoming basketball season. He needed to decide if he wanted to play badly enough to suffer the stress and strain of playing catch-up in order to get into the college of his choice. He also needed to come to grips with the fact that he most likely was not a good enough player to play college ball. And finally, he needed to ask himself if playing basketball was important enough to him to be considered his passion.

I told Chris I would support his decision, and that I would even help by providing tutoring or other academic help if he wanted to continue to play. We left it at that. He went to the tryouts and he was chosen for the team. That day, he came to me and informed me of his decision to forego the basketball season in favor of maintaining the grade point average that would put him in the best position to choose a college. He said it was a no-brainer.

I was so proud of him. He had weighed all of the factors and made a decision that I know was difficult but that was ultimately to his advantage. When I tell this story to parents in my workshops I am often asked if I squashed Chris's dreams or dampened his spirit by being so blunt with him about his lack of talent for basketball. I believe that parents have a responsibility to be honest with children. It's one thing to support and nurture them in their dreams but it's another thing to build false hope. By encouraging him to aim high, reality and experience revealed to me and to Chris that his academic talent far outweighed his athletic abilities. Chris showed a maturity beyond his years by opting for the college education as opposed to a not-very-good chance of playing ball.

Our kids face tough decisions every day. Deciding whether to experiment with drugs, sex, or succumb to peer pressure can be life-or-death choices. It could mean life or death if the parent has not assisted him in developing reasoning skills resulting in sound, positive decisions.

Miss Sharon Says
Track Your Student: You can't put an electronic monitoring device on your teen, but you can insist on staying informed. Consider funding a cell phone to make communication easier.

Know Your School Counselors: Don't wait until your student has a discipline problem. Start your relationship on a positive note: Stop in with cookies and a smile to introduce yourself and your student.

Enlist the Help of Mentors: Mentors can be found in many places outside of school and formal mentoring organizations. Look in your church, family, recreation center, and neighborhood for likely candidates.

Research Enrichment Programs: Check your student's backpack daily for handouts, flyers, and notes addressed to parents, especially during the first month or two of school. Much of the information related to special programs--after-school tutoring, early college preparation, etc.--is sent home in this time frame, and you can't rely on your student to remember to deliver it to you. You have to stay on top of it.