How to Find Out if Your Child Has Been Molested

Pay Attention to Any Strange Behavior in Your Child

Many children, especially younger children, are afraid to report sexual assault. In fact, they may have no idea that they have even been molested. If your child suddenly becomes reserved, loses interest in hanging out with friends or participating in their normal activities, or no longer wants to eat, get to the bottom of the matter. Other signs that your child has been molested include: no longer wanting to be around the child predator who attacked them; making excuses for not seeing the person; suddenly talking about the person in a negative manner; or they freaking out or breaking down any time you tell them they will be near or with the person who molested them.

Talk to Your Child About Your Suspicions

You know your child better than anyone, so if you notice any of these changes, approach your child to discuss why they are acting this way. Refrain from being accusatory; instead, come to him or her in a comfortable setting - like their bedroom - and sit down with them. Ask them if they are feeling okay, and if something has happened that has upset them. If they seem angry or frustrated, or they refuse to talk to you, tell them that you only want to know if someone has hurt or upset them. Reassure your child that they will not get into any trouble for telling you what's bothering them, and that if someone has hurt them, you want to know so you can put a stop to it. Continue to remind your child that you are on their side, and they have done nothing to warrant the way they were treated. This will help your child open up to you, and let them know that they will be safe if they confide in your. If your child continues to ignore you, or refuses to talk, then let them be for awhile. Tell them that whenever they are ready to talk to you, they can come to you whenever they want, and you will listen to anything they have to say. By allowing a child who doesn't want to talk to come to you instead of pressuring them to talk on your terms, your child will feel more comfortable discussing the matter on what they feel is their terms.

Look for Evidence of Sexual Assault if Your Child Refuses to Talk

If the behavior continues and your child still refuses to talk, you may want to take matters into your own hands. Start investigating the matter by talking to your child's teachers, the parents of their friends, and any other adult the child has a relationship with. Don't specifically say that you suspect sexual assault; instead, ask these people if your child has been acting strange or exhibiting unusual behavior. If you get an affirmative response from anyone, ask them if they know or have an idea of why your child may be acting differently. Refrain from talking to your child's friends directly, unless they approach you; you don't want your child to know that you are investigating the issue, or they may lash out in anger in response to finding out. If you feel comfortable, look for other clues that may lead you to what has been going on by reading your child's diary, logging into their e-mail account or MySpace profile and checking their messages, and check your child's internet history. While invading your child's privacy in this manner would normally not be something I would suggest, in this case, your child's well-being may be at stake. Remember that this is not the time to punish or even talk to your child about any other issues you find during your investigation; focus only on any suspected sexual assault.

Try Talking to Your Child Again

If you do find clues that your child has been sexually assaulted, try approaching your child again and telling them that you know someone has been assaulting them, and encourage him or her to tell you what happened by telling them you are going to help them put a stop to the assault and have the child predator arrested. Do not divulge where you found the information, because your child already feels violated. Hearing that you violated their privacy may cause them to turn on you when they need you the most. If they ask you how you found out, lie. Tell them you had a feeling, or a dream, or something that doesn't pin the blame on another person. If you tell your child a friend or another adult told you about the sexual assault, they may become angry with this individual for telling their secret.

Have Any Suspicious Marks or Injuries Checked Out Immediately

In younger children, the only sign that they have been molested is often the only evidence that the assault has occurred. If you notice any bruising, bleeding, or marks on your child, specifically on or around their genitals or mouth, take your child to the doctor immediately. Discuss your suspicions with the doctor, and ask them to look for any other signs that your child has been assaulted. The doctor should be able to tell if the child was ever penetrated - a major sign of molestation in younger children - and if any internal damage was caused by the abuse. Have your doctor write a report of their findings, so that you can submit this to authorities when you later report the molestation to the police.