How to Stop Back Talk in Children and Teens
Children and teens have many reasons for talking back, but it usually stems from a feeling of powerlessness and frustration, according to James Lehman, child behavioral therapist. Your child back talks because she feels something has been taken from her, Lehman explains. Young children who back talk tend to continue their behavior into their adolescent and adult years if the attitude isn't addressed early. Back talk is particularly common among teenagers who are aiming to feel independent, according to "Good Housekeeping" magazine. Teenagers tend to make more snide comments than children because it makes them feel like intelligent adults, the magazine states.
Instructions
Establish some form of control over your child. For example, offer the child an allowance on a weekly or monthly basis. Every time he talks back to you, decrease his allowance. This strategy is effective for both young children and teenagers. Don't respond to her when she back talks, whether the child is young or a teenager. Responding to back talk unnecessarily lengthens arguments. Some parents see responding to back talk as teaching their child about her wrongs, but the child already has likely learned the lesson prior to back talking. Set rules for your child and talk to him about them when both of you have time and are feeling pleasant. Tell your child that you only explain things once and that you will refuse to argue about the fact. While effective for both young and older children, establishing rules for young children helps prevent back talk from developing when the child is a teenager. Set a time for your child to ask questions about your decision. She will be calmer this way and will have had more time to think over how she is feeling. This also teaches her how to appropriately question authority. Teenagers should especially be encouraged to establish a case to present to you as this teaches critical thinking skills. Tell your young or teenage child what comments are acceptable. For example, comments such as "duh," "whatever," "so what" and "that sucks," are probably unacceptable to you, while "I am feeling frustrated" or "Please tell me why I have to do that," are acceptable. Ignore your young child or teen when she rolls her eyes or sighs. By only addressing the verbal infractions, you indicate the severity of the offense. When addressing every eye roll or sigh, your child won't take you telling her to stop seriously. Don't accept your teenager's back talk by dismissing it as a regular teen activity. Though common, your teenager should not be back talking. Simply tell the teenager that it is not OK to speak that way and tell her to apologize.
