How to Help Children Stop Lying

Children, just like adults, may choose to lie for many different reasons. As a child develops his own identity and personality, it is important that the role models and authority figures around him create clear expectations about truthfulness and well-defined, appropriate punishments for lying. Without open communication on the subject, a child may be at risk of developing a habit of lying as a way to get what he wants, a means of getting attention, a coping mechanism or a simple compulsion.

Instructions

    • 1

      Don't lie to yourself. It's natural that you would want to believe the things your child tells you, and a predisposition to trust is certainly not a bad thing. However, you owe it to yourself and your child not to turn a blind eye when you know that she is lying.

    • 2

      Set clear punishments for lying and convey them to your child. If your child knows exactly how you feel about lying and exactly how lying will be punished in your household, he will have no reason to "test the waters." Do not allow your child to argue or bargain during this process. Be firm and calm; above all, do not let your child drag you into an argument.

    • 3

      Have an open conversation about lying. The depth and tone of this conversation may vary greatly depending on your child's age, but the intent should always be to let your child know that you are available for discussion. Possible talking points: Is it ever OK to lie? Should punishments for lying vary depending on the seriousness of the lie? How do lies affect others? How does your child feel when someone lies to her?

      Do not have the conversation immediately before or after punishing your child for lying--each party in this conversation should go into it with clear heads and open minds.

    • 4

      If your family follows a religious faith, use it to back up your rules about lying. All religions have lessons about lying, and they typically come back to some variation on the "Golden Rule" theme: Treat others how you want to be treated. Whereas children may see lying as a game or a victimless crime, the context provided by the Golden Rule helps them look at the issue reflexively. It also gives your anti-lying stance additional authority: No longer are you simply making up a punishment, you're basing your rules on a universal theme.

    • 5

      Follow through. Following through doesn't simply mean sticking to your punishments; it also means setting an example. If you lie to your child or lie to others in front of your child, your child will resent you telling him that he shouldn't lie. Children pick up on hypocrisy easily, and your false actions will completely undermine any conversation you've had with your child about lying. Ironically, your anti-lying conversation will, itself, become a lie if you do not lead by example.

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