How to Redirect Child Behavior

Child rearing is difficult, especially when little ones push your buttons in order to assert themselves. As a parent, it's important to develop patience, since the way you handle situations can make a lasting impression on children's emotional development. While adults experience a wide range of motivations, children tend to have four major motivations: attention, power, revenge and avoidance, notes the International Network for Children and Families (INCF). The organization advises parents to diffuse these emotions through compassionate parenting and emotional cues.

Instructions

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      Avoid paying attention to children when they're acting out. Children who seek attention learn through experience that a parent will respond when they behave inappropriately. To curb attention-seeking behavior, find nonverbal ways, such as hugging, to express your love without validating inappropriate behavior with words or eye contact, says the INCF. Although reprimands and eye contact -- particularly a glaring look -- are negative forms of attention, you do not want your kids to grow to believe that any form of attention is better than no attention, warns the INCF.

    • 2

      Smile when kids try to engage you in a power struggle. Children aiming to assert themselves or see how far they can push the envelope may try to lock you into a battle of wills. Rather than play the game of who's boss, speak to belligerent children in a calm, friendly yet authoritative tone and provide them with options rather than lock horns with them. Asserting your authority without being aggressive is key to reducing kids' feeling of being threatened or attacked.

    • 3

      Use logic to diffuse angry children. Angry kids, particularly ones who are being punished, may try get even by throwing a tantrum, which can include kicking, screaming, crying and other emotional outbursts. Attempting to control the situation by raising your voice and shouting back rarely works. Instead, wait for the tantrum to end then, when the children have settled down, explain to them why they are being reprimanded. Explaining the reason behind the punishment teaches children to learn to take responsibility for their actions.

    • 4

      Encourage children to succeed. Kids who constantly feel criticized for their behavior may develop avoidance tendencies as a coping mechanism. By avoiding situations, they reduce the negative feeling of not succeeding or not being good enough. Rather than act as a "rescuer" when kids feel withdrawn, helpless or full of pity, talk with them to brainstorm ways to solve the problem that's bothering them. Do not provide answers for them; encourage them to develop their own solutions. A good way to reduce avoidance behavior is to boost your children's confidence. For example, you can create a scenario, such as asking them to do a chore, then praise them when they have completed the task.

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