How to Help a Control Freak Child

Dealing with a control freak is a challenge for any parent. When children are young and start becoming independent, part of the controlling behavior is natural. They want to put on their own clothes or pick out their favorite foods rather than have a parent tell them or give only one option. When a child takes the normal bossy or controlling behavior to an extreme, you may feel you have a control freak on your hands. Your child may try controlling everyone and may think she is the boss in your house. While it is challenging, parents can help their children and promote better behavior.

Instructions

    • 1

      Set limits and boundaries with specific consequences. For example, if a child ignores the parent's questions, walk away and ignore the tantrum. If she throws a tantrum for not getting her way, put her in time out and walk away, telling her that she is not allowed to come out until she can behave. This tells children that certain behaviors are not appropriate and there are consequences to inappropriate behaviors.

    • 2

      Stay consistent. Consistency is a key factor in parenting, especially with the controlling child. Ensure the child has no exceptions to rules. For example, if he does not share toys with siblings, he loses the toy or gets time out every time, even on special occasions like birthdays. Giving an exception even once opens the door for children to act out later and creates more problems.

    • 3

      Offer several choices. Children need some control in their own lives, especially during the preschool years when they start breaking away from parents to form their own personalities and independence. Several options for children, such as setting out five or six fruits for a snack and allowing her to choose which she prefers or allowing her to pick from three or four outfits to wear for the day, will show that she is allowed to make some decisions.

    • 4

      Avoid arguments. A controlling child will argue, but as a parent, arguing is ineffective and gives the message that the child has an equal say in a decision. Parents should say what will happen. If the child argues, repeat what you said. If a tantrum occurs, walk away and ignore it.

    • 5

      Give responsibilities to the child. As children get older, they are ready for age-appropriate responsibilities, such as watering the plants or picking up their toys. This also provides specific aspects they control, which allows children to feel more grown up.

    • 6

      Listen to the child. Children who are controlling might start misbehaving because they are frustrated. Parents might bypass the controlling behavior by listening and then determining if the activity, want or request is harmful or simply something inconvenient. In the case of inconvenience, parents should tell the child that is not available at the moment, but they can have it later when the time is more appropriate. If something is harmful, parents should always say a firm "no" and then explain why the child is not allowed to have an item or do an activity. For example, a child might want to try taking an item off the stove and a parent should say no and then tell the child that the stove is hot and can hurt him.

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