How to Calm Down an 11 Year Old

An 11-year-old child is at a transitional time in his life as he edges toward puberty and his teenage years. At this age, the child will no longer submit to time-outs or your withholding desired objects. He desires greater independence without grasping many of the reasoning skills necessary to take responsibility for that independence. Calming down an 11-year-old preteen involves mixing the methods used to calm a child and teenager.

Instructions

  1. Modeling

    • 1

      Identify specific behavioral triggers that set your 11 year old off. Examples might be frustration with homework or accepting rules and boundaries in the home.

    • 2

      De-escalate an impending blowup by refusing to mirror the 11 year old's tactics, such as yelling or physical manifestations of anger. Physical manifestations of anger include swearing, taking anger out on inanimate objects or any sort of exaggerated, threatening movement guided by emotion.

    • 3

      Model the emotional response you wish for your child to emulate. Remain calm, keep a cool head and talk through the situation logically.

    Compromise

    • 4

      Tell your child the adverse consequences of her bad behavior. For example, if she refuses to do her homework, tell her that the amount of work she will be forced to do in the long run will increase, resulting in less free time.

    • 5

      Tell your 11 year old that failure to maintain her composure may lead to her privileges or other opportunities being taken away. Have this discussion when an argument is not taking place.

    • 6

      Teach your child that by doing away with an immediate want or desire, he can expect greater priveleges or rewards in the future. For example, if your child doesn't want to do his homework, tell him that by sacrificing some of his video game time to finish his homework early, he is earning himself more time to play the game once the homework is no longer hanging over him to be completed.

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