How to Handle a Jealous Child

Jealousy is a normal human emotion that results when a person senses a threat to an important relationship. A child may feel jealous of a new baby who endangers his relationship with his parents, mom's new boyfriend who infringes on his relationship with mom, or his best friend's new acquaintance who jeopardizes their long-standing friendship. While jealousy is a normal emotion, it can lead to a number of negative behaviors when a child acts out in an attempt to hold on to the threatened relationship. If your child suffers from jealously, it is important to find a way to help him manage his emotions in a healthy, effective way.

Instructions

    • 1

      Empathize with the anxiety, sadness and anger behind your child's feelings of jealousy. Tell your child, "You must feel angry when I can't play a game with you because I'm feeding the baby" or "It must hurt your feelings that Olivia invited Emma to go the mall with her instead of you." By validating your child's emotions, you let her know her feelings are okay, you understand how she feels and you are her ally in resolving the problem.

    • 2

      Label your child's emotions when you empathize with him. According to psychology professor, John Gottman, providing a name for a child's powerful emotions helps him focus by activating the "logical" left side of his brain, calm down and recover quickly from a distressing event. Choose the word that best describes your child's emotions. An angry child might feel annoyed, frustrated, mad or furious. Let your child know that it is normal to feel more than one emotion at the same time. He may feel excited about his new baby sister, while also worrying that mom won't have time for him anymore.

    • 3

      Reassure your child if your relationship with her is the one she feels is threatened. Tell her how much you love her and how special she is to you. Give her your undivided attention every day, whether it is taking her on a special outing or just spending a few minutes listening to her or reading her a book. Find ways to include her in interactions with the person she feels jealous of. If she becomes jealous when she sees you being affectionate with your spouse, hug her at the same time you hug your spouse.

    • 4

      Help your child generate solutions for dealing with his emotions if he feels jealous of someone other than you. If he feels left out when an older sibling plays with her friend, come up with ideas of fun things he can do at the same time, such as playing a game on his own or inviting over one of his friends. Put most of the responsibility for thinking up solutions on your child. Wait until he has come up with several ideas before offering your own suggestions.

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