Disciplining a Three-Year-Old When She Hits You

If your 3-year-old loses control and lashes out when she gets angry, she likely understands the rule she just broke, according to pediatrician and author William Sears, with the Ask Dr. Sears website. It̵7;s important to discipline your child if she hits you to ensure that you teach your child to respond more appropriately to anger.

  1. Understand Normal Behavior

    • A 3-year-old child does not have the ability to positively tolerate frustration, advises psychologist Joan Simeo Munson, writing for the Empowering Parents website. When your child hears ̶0;no̶1; or you prevent her from doing something, she cannot express her frustration effectively with words. It̵7;s common for a child this age to have trouble controlling an impulse such as hitting. It̵7;s also common for a child to repeat misbehavior as they learn, which may mean repeated hitting until your child learns more self-control.

    Remain Calm

    • When your child hits, it̵7;s important to act quickly, yet calmly, to interrupt the behavior. Staying calm reinforces security for your child. If you react by spanking or slapping your child, you demonstrate to your child that it̵7;s acceptable to express disapproval or anger physically. Maintaining a calm demeanor is a positive way to teach your child that hitting is wrong and is an unacceptable behavior.

    Corrective Discipline

    • Communicate disapproval of your child̵7;s behavior so she understands that you don̵7;t approve of hitting. As you express this disapproval, make sure you connect it with the action, not your child, warns psychologist Elizabeth T. Gershoff, with the Phoenix Children̵7;s Hospital. You might say, ̶0;Please don̵7;t hit me. Hitting hurts and we shouldn̵7;t hurt others. I understand that you feel frustrated, but you cannot hit.̶1;

    Provide Choices

    • Assess your child̵7;s receptiveness to your correction. If she̵7;s calm and listening, suggest other choices she could make instead of hitting, such as talking about why she̵7;s angry or finding something else she can do or have. If she̵7;s upset, you may need to help her calm down first by using a short time out. Choices are an effective method of discipline because they empower your child and help her feel less controlled, states Munson. If your child hit you because she was frustrated about being told ̶0;no̶1; when she asked for a cookie, you might offer her some apple or kiwi slices instead to give her some positive options and demonstrate that you care about her hunger.

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