How to Deal With Strong Willed Kids

Parenting a strong-willed child can be frustrating, tiring, and at times, overwhelming. Some may call your child "stubborn," while others whisper "He knows his own mind." Stubborn or independent, dealing with a child who opposes you at every turn is not easy. Do not lose heart. Parenting with sensitivity, providing choices within limits and avoiding power struggles will help build your child's leadership traits while decreasing rebelliousness, says clinical psychologist Laura Markham. Take a deep breath and get ready for a bumpy, yet rewarding ride, with your bundle of energy.

Instructions

    • 1

      Stick with a consistent routine and set of rules. Say, ̶0;The rule is we make our beds every morning̶1; or ̶0;We always brush our teeth every night before going to bed.̶1; This prevents the need to provide continual directives or argue. Give your child space to remember the rules and act independently to reduce his need to rebel.

    • 2

      Give your child choices instead of orders. Ask, ̶0;Do you want to read before or after your snack?̶1; or ̶0;Would you like to go to the store now or wait 15 minutes?̶1; Let your child select outfits to wear to school. Offer to put a warm coat in his bag if he is convinced that he does not need a coat when it is cold outside. Teach him that changing your mind when you have more information -- like realizing that it is freezing outside in January without a coat -- is perfectly acceptable.

    • 3

      Avoid pushing your strong-willed child to the point that he has to push back and defy you to prove a point. Circumvent power struggles whenever possible, and realize when you are simply trying to win for the sake of winning in a given situation. Give your child space to make all or part of a decision. Remember that your child is allowed to have his own emotions and opinions, but he still has to follow your directions.

    • 4

      Take the time to attentively listen to your child and remember that his strong will makes him fiercely protect what he deems important. Ask questions such as ̶0;Why are you not eating your dinner tonight?̶1; or ̶0;Can you tell me why you do not want to go to bed right now?̶1; Try to see situations from his point of view, and keep your word when you tell him you are going to do something.

    • 5

      Respect your child in the same manner that you would like him to show respect to you. Offer reasonable compromises when you can. Say for example ̶0;I know you want to wear your new flip flops to school, but the rules say you have to wear tennis shoes. Do you want to bring them in the car to put on after school is finished?̶1;

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