Bullying vs. Rough Play

Bullying Behaviors

• According to U.S. Department of Health and Human Service's stopbullying.gov website, bullying includes unwanted behaviors that fall under three main categories: verbal abuse, social or reputation-based bullying and physical aggression. Verbal bullying typically includes name-calling, teasing or making unwarranted comments of a suggestive or sexual nature. Social types of bullying center on interpersonal relationships -- such as spreading false rumors or excluding a peer from an activity. Physical bullying includes aggressive actions such as punching, hitting, pushing or similar actions. Any of these types of bullying can happen at any time in a child's life in any setting, ranging from in school to online.

It May Not Look Like Play

• Rough play, while aggressive in appearance, typically occurs between friends who agree on the activity. Superhero scenarios and similar types of pretend activities may include rough play as part of a dramatic element. While your child, and her friends, may seem like they are hurting each other, rough play isn't about causing harm to a peer. When a child gets hurt during the course of rough play -- and this may happen frequently, given the physical nature of the activity -- it isn't purposeful or a result of a real power struggle.

Differences in Intent

• Rough play typically occurs between children who are friends or at least friendly acquaintances. Bullying, on the other hand, has no element of friendship. For example, the "popular" boy who constantly taunts your son and pushes him down on the playground isn't engaging in rough play, but when your child and his friend wrestle during a pretend cops-and-robbers scenario, they are. Although rough play, at its core, includes a physical -- even aggressive -- aspect, it is never meant with a hurtful intent in the same way that bullying is.

The Physical Nature of Both

• When you can't tell the difference between bullying and rough play, the primary reason is likely because of the overly physical nature of each type of behavior. While you might see your usually pleasant son suddenly dive onto his classmate, this seemingly violent action could look like either bullying or rough play. Additionally, rough play -- when your child uses it in pretend play scenarios -- may include dramatic name-calling similar to what you would see during bullying behaviors. That said, in the course of rough play, any name-calling is typically part of the pretend aspect and is understood as made up or unrealistic at heart.