Loneliness Problems in Only Children

The Lonely Myths

• In an article for her website, social psychologist Susan Newman dispels several myths related to only children. She points out that many people mistakenly assume that only children are more bossy, more aggressive, less socially adjusted and more dependent than peers who have siblings. Newman also says that many people think that only children have imaginary friends to make up for feelings of loneliness. But many researchers and psychologists have found exactly the opposite to be true -- only children aren't necessarily more lonely, and they might actually be more well-adjusted than other children, says Carolyn White, editor of "Only Child" magazine in an interview with Heidi Stevens of the "Chicago Tribune."

Dispelling False Beliefs

• There's not much clinical evidence to support the commonly-believed myths of the only child. Only children are just as likely to have friends as children who have siblings and to have well-developed social skills. An Ohio University study, presented in 2010 at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association, examined 13,466 middle and high school aged children across the nation. The researchers found that only children were chosen as friends by their peers just as often as those with siblings. And only child researcher Toni Falbo of the University of Texas at Austin points out that in their early years, most only children don't have a chance to feel lonely because they usually have adequate time for socialization in play groups, day care and preschool.

The Flipside

• Instead of feeling lonely, many only children have the opportunity to blossom and cultivate their unique traits and skills. In their pivotal study published in 1986 in the "Psychological Bulletin," Toni Falbo and fellow researcher Denise Polit found that only children were likely to have higher scores in the areas of achievement, adjustment, character, intelligence, parent-child relationships and sociability than children with siblings, except for the areas of achievement and intelligence when compared to first-borns and those coming from two-child families. The researchers attribute these findings largely to the enhanced parent-child relationship that only children often enjoy.

The Opposite of Lonely

• Being a parent of an only child can bring about additional challenges not generally faced by parents who have more than one child. Sometimes, an only child faces the opposite problem of being lonely -- parents can smother the child for fear of letting go or become overprotective or overindulgent, says Dr. Sharry. To combat these issues and concerns, Dr. Sharry suggests giving your child a healthy balance between time together with you and time alone to play and think creatively. He also advises being aware of your own needs and sensitivities and to try to avoid investing too many of your own hopes and dreams into your only child. Consider connecting with other parents of only children to obtain support and to discuss challenges or difficulties you might be facing.