Counseling Strategies for Helping Children Develop High Self Esteem

Cognitive-Behavioral

• Self-esteem is how a person thinks of himself. Helping children think positively about themselves and their interactions with others--and, by extension, helping them develop positive behaviors--is a key factor in developing high self-esteem. The main goal of cognitive-behavioral strategies is to help children see the connection among their thoughts, feelings and actions.

  Cognitive-behavioral strategies help children identify both positive and negative thoughts, when they have such thoughts and what circumstances trigger them. The counselor can help them develop plans for how to maximize situations that bring positive thoughts and to avoid circumstances that bring negative thoughts.

Self-Control

• Another aspect of self-esteem has to do with how well children are able to exercise self-control. A lack of self-control in children often stems from boundaries and expectations set for them by adults. Too much or too little reinforcement can lead children to feel helpless or feel that they can do whatever they want. Similarly, when adults rescue children from problems, it teaches them that they can't do things for themselves and that they need adults to save them.

  Counselors can help children develop self-control by teaching them self-monitoring strategies and by helping them come up with alternatives to acting on impulse. They can also help them to set reasonable expectations for themselves and to avoid self-punishment.

Social Skills

• People are social by nature, and their interactions with others can help reinforce positive self-esteem. Children should be encouraged to take responsibility for their interactions with their peers and adults instead of relying on adults to correct the problem.

  Counselors can help by teaching children how to initiate conversation, make and refuse requests and respond to others. Above all, counselors should emphasize that children are accountable for their own actions and that they are responsible for resolving their conflicts with others.

Parents

• Counselors should work closely with parents to reinforce strategies discussed in counseling while at home. The positive or negative reinforcement of home life can greatly affect the results of what children learn in counseling.

  Counselors can help parents by explaining some of the techniques discussed and why they are important. They can also teach parents to set reasonable boundaries and expectations for their children and to praise effort when they see it.