How Old Is Too Old for a Dad to Kiss a Son Goodnight?

The bedtime ritual between father and son is a sacred nightly event that can include everything from reading a book to playing a game to kissing goodnight. When your son gets older, though, he may not want a kiss when he goes to bed. Your son will let you know when he is too old for you to kiss him good night. Let him take the lead in this area. He is learning to exert his independence and gain maturity.

  1. Developmental

    • Your son is growing up, and he may begin to view hugging, kissing or perhaps even the entire good night routine as being boring or too childish for him. This could happen at the age of 2 or 3, a much older age, or never. If your son does stop giving you good night kisses, he may feel that is something little boys do. He may view them as too feminine or a sign of dependence. In his effort to be masculine and grown up, he may look at kissing good night as something that he is simply too big to do.

    It's Not Personal

    • Although it̵7;s hard when your son won̵7;t kiss or perhaps hug you good night anymore, don̵7;t take it personally. If he still kisses his mom goodnight, he may think it̵7;s okay to do so with her because she is a woman. He may show his manliness to you by not kissing you good night.

    Other Options

    • Try another, more manly, option instead of kisses. A high five, fist bump or some kind of secret hand shake can indicate to your son that he is moving up in the world and that you view him as more of an equal. He may appreciate that you are trying to include him in activities that older boys and men get to do.

      Since your son is a bit older now, try some different bedtime routines with him. Play chess or do a puzzle with him before bed to focus his energy on a calming activity. Start a story in which you and your son take a turn adding a sentence to it. Add a penny to a jar each night and have your son make a wish for someone. When the jar is full, donate the money to his favorite charity, suggests parenting writer Linda Flayer for Parenting.org.

    Need for Physical Affection

    • Sons are in particular need for physical affection from their fathers, according to Paul M. Fleiss, MD, MPH, assistant clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California Medical Center, writing for Mother-to-Mother.com. Even if your son doesn't want to kiss you goodnight anymore, you can still show him physical affection in ways that demonstrate that you love him. Hugs, rubbing his back at bedtime, and light roughhousing are alternatives to goodnight kisses. Physical affection shows that you love your son unconditionally and that you are proud of him. Although it can be difficult to show physical affection as your son gets older, never be afraid to tell him you love him and to give him a hug, advises the National Fatherhood Initiative.

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