What Is the Appropriate Age for Spending the Night at a Friend's House?
When your child is young, sleepover invitations spark questions of emotional readiness to be away from home and handle uncomfortable situations. When she becomes a teenager, the question becomes her ability to handle complex social pressures and temptations. When considering the appropriate age for spending the night at a friend's house, there is no one magic answer that fits all children and families. Some families allow children as young as 5 to spend the night while others wait until 10 or 11 years; still others avoid sleep away situations altogether. Your decision to allow the sleepover or not should rest solidly on your peace of mind about your child's physical and emotional safety and readiness at any age. The more you know of the other family, set mutual expectations and share important health and safety rules and expectations, the better equipped you are to decide if spending the night with a friend is the right move for your child.
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Different Answers for Different Temperaments
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Your child's temperament, ability to stand up for herself and know how to call you if she needs to come home are key factors in determining whether she is old enough for an overnight sleep-away with a friend. A shy 10-year-old may be uncomfortable asserting herself and insisting on calling you for a ride home even in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation while some socially precocious 6-year-olds could be confident and knowledgeable enough to call for his escape hatch and not take no for an answer. With teenagers, the key is honest communication about the presence of adult supervision, your worst fears and whether you are comfortable with your teen's ability to handle peer pressure and act according to the values you are teaching at home in an independent setting. Take your child's emotional resilience and social know-how into account when deciding whether he is ready to spend the night away from home.
Knowledge is Power
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The ability to recall important information such as your phone number and address gives your child the key to an important escape route should the situation become emotionally overwhelming or unexpectedly dangerous. Prepare her to handle difficulties with friends and adults alike through roleplay. Let your child know that she can call for extraction at any time and you will come and cover for her so she doesn't lose face with friends. If your child is mature and knowledgeable enough to follow through with this plan when necessary, it could be one sign that she is ready to spend the night with a friend.
Familiarity Breeds Comfort
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Regardless of your child's general sleepover readiness, you should consider the specifics of each situation, such as your familiarity with the other family and the physical and emotional atmosphere at their home. Getting to know the other parents can set your mind at ease regarding their trustworthiness to look after the best interests and safety of your child while he is in their care. Spend time with them, visit their home and invite them to yours before deciding whether a sleepover with this family is safe and appropriate for your child. During this period of getting acquainted, you can take the opportunity to discuss rules, limits and expectations such as adult supervision, the presence of siblings or other family members and friends, the presence of guns, types and personalities of pets, what types of movies and video games or Internet use are allowable, and bedtimes. With parents of teens, you can discuss rules about curfews, drinking, boy-girl parties and sexual activity. By laying out your values and expectations clearly, you can more easily determine if you are on the same page as the adults who will be supervising the sleepover to ensure consistency and agreement. If you are uncomfortable with the other parents̵7; views or values in issues that are important to you, you will be better off declining the sleepover invitation.
Safety First
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Chronological age is a tangential concern to safety in deciding if your child is old enough to spend the night with a friend. If your child has any medical concerns or allergies, consider whether it is of a nature that you can easily educate another parent on how to handle it, should the need arise, without embarrassing your child in front of her friends. Bedwetting, sleepwalking or nightmare tendencies can put a damper on the fun of spending the night with a friend so if your child struggles in these areas and you decide to allow a sleepover, you need to make a plan with your child and the other parents to ensure her safety and allow her to save face. Certain chronic conditions, such as diabetes and the dietary restrictions of Celiac disease, can be confusing and overwhelming for parents who don't have to live with it every day, so your concern for your child's health and safety naturally trumps age or emotional readiness. Regardless of the age you decide is appropriate, the California State University at Northridge Department of Police Services concludes, "By taking some precautions and being proactive, you will help your child to be safer while he or she enjoys sleepovers and slumber parties."
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