The Anniversary Effect in Adoption

Behavior

• There you are, feeling like you and your adopted child are finally bonding to one another and building a life together, when it seems like a sudden change in behavior grinds your progress to a halt. The anniversary effect means that a specific date or even time of year floods your child with memories that may not be pleasant. She might experience emotions that make her upset, angry and withdrawn, and even cause her to act out toward you. Even if the behavior stops, you may find yourself in the same predicament year after year.

Triggers

• Even if you adopted your little one at a young age, unpleasant memories have a way of adhering themselves to a child's subconscious. In her book "Welcoming a Brother or Sister by Adoption: From Navigating New Relationships to Building a Loving Family," attachment specialist Arleta James tells a story of a child who was adopted as a young baby and experienced regression during the autumn months, and a child who was adopted at an older age who had bad memories of Christmas with her foster families. Different children can have different triggers, from smells and sounds to a specific date.

Identification

• Keep in mind that not all emotions experienced during the anniversary effect are negative -- some could involve happy memories. Still, whether happy or sad, these memories tend to cause a change in your child's mood or behavior. It can be hard to prep for an anniversary you don't fully understand, but psychologist Deborah Serani, writing in Psychology Today, suggests taking a look at the calendar at the beginning of the month and identifying any potential anniversaries that could have an effect on your child so you're ready for any change in behavior.

Coping

• It's important that you remain supportive and understanding when your child is experiencing emotions due to a memory, season or date. Encourage your child to share with you her feelings. Give her outlets of expression, like creating art or playing music.

  AdoptiveFamilies.com also points out that new and positive traditions can start from day one of your adoption, creating memories and positive associations for your adopted child. If you know that a certain time of year is sensitive for your child, work especially hard to create traditions that help your little one feel safe, wanted and secure to help her cope with the feelings from her past memories.