How to Bond With an Internationally Adopted Toddler

Adoption is a gift that goes both ways, but it isn't easy to unwrap. It takes hard work, commitment and patience, especially when adopting a toddler. Adopting a toddler can be twice as challenging as adopting a baby because a toddler has usually already become attached to her caregiver. Add a different country of origin to the mix and you have a child who speaks a different language, eats different food and is used to a completely different lifestyle than the one you are about to provide. Ease the transition by planning ways to bond with your little one.

Things You'll Need

  • Books for toddlers
  • Games for toddlers

Instructions

    • 1

      Create a cocoon. The first step is to make sure your toddler is somewhat secluded from visitors. This allows him to bond with you and your significant other rather than every friend that drops by.

    • 2

      Look her in the eye, and touch her as much as possible. The overcrowded conditions in many overseas orphanages cause children to be overlooked. Your toddler may have been rarely touched, or even acknowledged. Touching and eye contact will help you bond, but start slowly at first -- it may make some toddlers uncomfortable.

    • 3

      Learn as much as you can about his birth country, including the language. Speaking to him in the language he understands -- even if it's just "I love you" -- will comfort him during his grieving period and bring you closer together. Don't overdo it, however. Speaking to him in English as much as possible will help him learn the language more quickly, according to What to Expect.

    • 4

      Play games, read stories and ask her to help you around the house. The more you interact with her, the tighter the bond. Choose developmentally appropriate games and stories, which may be below her age.

    • 5

      Keep your expectations realistic. If you expect your toddler to sleep well, eat well, develop on target and generally act like other toddlers, you may be disappointed, and this could hurt the bonding process. Your toddler will likely be developmentally behind for several months.

    • 6

      Take time off. Sending your toddler immediately off to child care will damage the bond between you two and confuse and frighten her. If possible, stay home with her for at least 2 or 3 months.

    • 7

      Be patient. According to a study performed by the University of Minnesota's International Adoption Project, 90 percent of adopted toddlers were emotionally attached to their parents by 9 months post-adoption. It may take longer than you think, but it will happen.

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