Encouraging Toddlers to Respect Others' Feelings

Observe Your Child

• Your toddler may already feel more empathy than you realize. Historically, child theorists believed that children were completely self-centered. Research has proved them wrong. According to Nicole McDonald and Daniel Messinger of the University of Miami's Department of Psychology, researchers found that infants as young as 6 months reacted to the sound of distress in their environment, especially the sound of another infant̵7;s cry, as early as the 1970̵7;s. More recently, the Yale Infant Cognition Center has tested infants and toddlers for empathy and ethical behavior. Toddlers were shown a simple scenario of a struggling puppet. A second puppet hindered the struggling puppet, while a third puppet helped. When given a choice of puppets to play with afterward, the toddlers always chose the ̶0;helper̶1; puppet. They also found that toddlers would offer help to adults who seemed to be in distress. Your child may already respect the emotions of those around her but lack the words to talk about it. Instead, she may show her empathy toward others' feelings non-verbally. For example, if you are on the phone and upset about something, she may bring you a toy or hug your leg. In her own way, she is offering the best comfort she knows how to give.

Use Feeling Words

• Give your toddler the words to express her actions. This shows that you understand and respect her emotions and it helps her to identify what she and others are feeling. For example, when she tries to offer comfort, recognize that. You might say something like: ̶0;I was upset when I talked to Aunt Joan. Thank you for giving me a hug to help me feel better.̶1; If she throws down a toy in frustration, help her to give words to that emotion. Tell her ̶0;It is frustrating when the toy isn't working, and you feel mad.̶1; If she hits a playmate, you might tell her, "It hurts Sarah when you hit her. It makes her sad." You can also share how you feel in different situations. Try using ̶0;I feel . . . when̶1; statements. If you are relaxing by the beach with your child, you might say ̶0;I feel so calm when I relax by the ocean.̶1; If you are stuck in traffic, you might share ̶0;I feel so frustrated when traffic doesn̵7;t move.̶1; In addition to teaching emotional vocabulary, this also helps your child recognize that you have feelings.

Talk About Others

• As your child goes through her day, talk to her about how others might feel. If your child snatches a toy from someone else, ask her to stop and think about how she would feel if a toy was taken from her. However, don̵7;t just use this as a punishment or save this question for negative emotions. When she shares something, be sure to help her recognize that others feel gratitude or appreciation. Exploring feelings isn̵7;t limited to real people, either. Explore empathy while reading your toddler's favorite books, too. You might stop in the middle of the book and ask her how Pigeon feels when he̵7;s not allowed to drive the bus.

Model Respect

• Your child learns from watching you. As you go through your day, stop and consider how your actions affect not only your toddler, but also everyone else. As you take the feelings of others into account, you show your child that this is important. It may mean offering support to a friend in need or holding your tongue in the face of another̵7;s incompetence.