Is Shyness Normal in Toddlers?

Nearly all toddlers go through a shy phase, often associated with separation anxiety or fear of new situations and people. However, shyness can also become a lifelong personality trait in toddlers who have a quiet and self-contained personality. You may never turn a naturally reserved and inner-focused toddler into the life of the party, but you can help your toddler through his shyness phase and guide him in social situations in ways that reduce his anxiety or withdrawn behavior.

  1. When Shyness Occurs

    • Shyness can occur at any point during toddlerhood. But between the ages of 2 and 4, your toddler might experience a second bout of stranger anxiety, which can trigger shyness, pediatrician and author Dr. William Sears explains. Separation anxiety, which can also have your toddler clinging to your legs in new situations, peaks between 14 and 18 months, according to the Raising Children Network, an Australian parenting website.

    Helping a Shy Toddler

    • Toddlers who appear shy will warm up more quickly if you follow certain guidelines when introducing them to new people or new situations. While you might be tempted to take the easy way out and avoid social situations when you have a shy toddler, exposing her to different situations and new people helps her realize that there's nothing to fear and to get past her shyness. Model friendly behavior yourself, since much of what children learn comes from watching those closest to them. Your shy toddler might warm up more quickly to children a bit younger than to those her own age, psychologist Dr. John Malouff of the University of New England explains.

    Suppressing Your Negative Reactions

    • Having a shy child can be frustrating for parents, especially those on two extremes: parents who are shy themselves and don't want their child to follow in their footsteps, and parents who are naturally outgoing. Don't use the "shy" label when talking to your toddler or to other people about him; kids have a way of living up -- or down -- to the labels others pin on them. Talk to your toddler before going into new places or meeting new people about what to expect and don't become exasperated when he needs a little time to warm up after you arrive.

    Unusual Behaviors

    • Since most toddlers go through a shy phase, you don't need to agonize over your toddler's behavior, in most cases. If his behavior is extreme, however, he might need additional evaluation. Shy children want to approach others, but are afraid to or don't know how to. Loner children, on the other hand, don't care about being with others and often prefer to be left alone, which can indicate a more serious problem, cautions Dr. Malouff.

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