Assertiveness Training in Toddlers

No parent wants her toddler to shrink in the face of bullying, but it happens. If you suspect she's not sure what to do after being pushed around by another little one at the park, you can help her learn how to be assertive so she can enjoy playing with her friends. While assertiveness may come naturally for some kids, others may need practice. You can encourage your child to stand up for herself by using clear communication and getting help when needed.

  1. Discuss "I" Statements

    • Teach your child how to speak up for herself using "I" statements. Toddlers vary in their ability to communicate verbally, and one valuable skill to learn is being able to say something like, "I don't want you to do that. Stop!" Author and child development professor Alice Sterling Honig suggests sharing "I" statements that help your toddler say what she does and does not want, such as, "I am using this toy," "I don't like being pushed" or "I want you to leave me alone."

    Talk About Feeling Words

    • Honig suggests helping toddlers learn to talk specifically about their feelings. Share feeling words, such as sad, hurt, frustrated, angry, disappointed and mad. Talk about these throughout your day and ask your child what word she would use for how she feels at various times. Help her practice combining "I" statements with how she feels. For example, she might say, "I feel mad when you take my toy. I don't want to play with you right now."

    Create Safe Space for Feelings

    • Children need the safe space to feel what they feel so they can accept and learn with their feelings. If your child seems to shy away from being assertive, let her know it's okay to feel upset when others do things she doesn't like and it's okay to ask for what she wants. Honig suggests allowing children to feel all of their feelings while learning how to appropriately speak to and defend their needs.

    Role Play

    • Assertiveness is a learned skill, and toddlers are new to the world in many ways. Leah Davies, author and educator, suggests using puppets and role playing situations your toddler may face while practicing assertive language and tone. Take turns being a child who bullies and see how your toddler responds. Congratulate her when she stands up for herself.

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