How to Help a Toddler That Refuses to Use the Potty

Among parenting's many challenges, teaching your child to use the potty is one of the big ones. While many children pick it up slowly over time, a good portion of children refuse to try. This can happen for a variety of reasons. The pressure to potty train quickly has some parents rushing to train their children before they are ready. This can cause resistance. If you're sure it's time, then it may just be a matter of finding the right approach for your child.

Things You'll Need

  • Potty
  • Underwear (optional)
  • Sticker chart
  • Potty training book

Instructions

    • 1

      Look in to possible medical reasons for your child's resistance. Before trying other strategies it makes sense to rule out issues such as food allergies and constipation. Anything that causes your child pain is likely to make her resistant to trying it again. The straining that accompanies constipation causes a young child great discomfort and can even tear small areas of her rectum. Grimacing, squatting and general discomfort are all signs of constipation. If you suspect this may be a problem, increase her fiber and fruit intake and give her plenty of fluids through the day. Allergies to dairy can cause inflammation of the anus, making it painful for her to have a bowel movement. Some citrus fruit may have the same effect. Check her bottom for a red, sore ring around the anus to assess a possible food allergy.

    • 2

      Negotiate with him. Power struggles are common with toddlers, and his resistance may well stem from a desire to maintain control over at least one area of his life. Explain that as his parent it is your job to teach him how to use the potty, and while it is difficult, if he cooperates it will be a little easier for both of you. Feeling as if his help is important should encourage him to use the potty.

    • 3

      Resist constant reminders. Your toddler will likely see this as a form of control and may resist in an attempt to assert her authority. Place the potty where she can get to it easily and leave her to it. If she believes the decision to use the potty is hers, she will probably be more receptive to using it.

    • 4

      Address any toilet phobias. The toilet is a large, cold and strange thing to a child. It makes loud gushing sounds and whatever goes down it never comes back. Allow him to become familiar with the workings of a bathroom by having him watch same-sex family members. Empty the contents of his diaper into the toilet and encourage him to flush the toilet. Just like any other fear, this one should subside as he gets more familiar with it.

    • 5

      Throw out the diapers and take her underwear shopping. Letting her pick her own underwear will give her incentive to train so she can wear them. Tell her when she is able to use the potty regularly then she can wear her underwear. Until then, encourage her to go bare-bottomed while around the home. This encourages her to have responsibility. A couple of accidents on the carpet and she will want to use the potty.

    • 6

      Set a consistent routine. Most children will need to use the potty when they wake from a nap and around 20 minutes after eating a meal. Encouraging, as opposed to telling, him to use the potty at these times will increase his chances of success. Sometimes a resistant child just needs to see that all his efforts are paying off. Be sure to inform grandparents, daycare and anyone else involved with his care that he is potty training.

    • 7

      Stay calm. Accidents are plentiful during potty training. Your reactions to these accidents will influence his desire to train. If you have reprimanded him in the past for making a mess, he may feel confused by the idea that you are now encouraging him to make one. When he is successful, praise him and tell him how proud you are of him. If he has an accident, do not show anger; instead, tell him you are proud of him for trying and there is always next time.

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