Parenting a Mouthy Teen Girl

Your Communication Style

• You are, as has been pointed out by such authorities as "Parents as Teachers," your children's first teacher. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say." As Suzette Haden Elgin, a linguist, a mother and grandmother, points out in her book, "The Gentle Art of Communicating With Kids," if you use sarcasm, pithy statements and a loud voice to emphasize your points, then you can expect to hear that from your teenage daughter. If you have developed a habit of firm, clear logic, she will be likely to use that same logical style when arguing points in her favor. If you can modify your style, she might modify hers.

Fitting In

• Between the ages of 11 and 18, fitting in with peers is tremendously important to your daughter. Laurence Steinberg of Psychology Today says that even the presence of peers affects a teen's behavior. As part of the fitting in process, they may develop language and ideas that do not necessarily conform to home values. Unless the ideas involve something illegal or dangerous, don't panic. An article on peer pressure from WebMD notes that parental influence is still important. Teens and twos have in common a need to test their boundaries. Mouthing off about things that make you see red is part of this process. Listen to what she has to say, even if you don't approve of the idea.

Influence from Teachers, Coaches and Other Adults

• Although organizations such as the National Alliance for Secondary Education set forth positive guidelines for adult leaders, your daughter may bring home from school, competitive games or camp ideas and attitudes that do not fit well with your chosen lifestyle. One thing you do not want to do is close the door on communication from your child about views these other adults might have. Even if you have to clench your teeth over your personal objections to some ideas, developing a habit of conversing about these alternative thoughts, while not encouraging the objectionable ones, can lead to some enlightening conversations with your girl.

Media

• While made-for-teens programs such as Wizards of Waverly Place or iCarly, might make you want to roll your eyes at the content, they are part of your daughter's culture. Watch a few of them with her, then see if a habit of shared media time will let you coax her into watching shows that you find interesting and enjoyable. Discuss whether or not cinematic behavior would be a good idea in real life or try to solve the mystery or problem before the heroine comes up with the solution.

Pick Your Battles

• Your teenage daughter is learning how to become a woman. Being mouthy is one way of testing parental boundaries, values and limits. While there are some things that you will not want to condone, for her safety, others are better left for her to figure out on her own. WebMD, in an article called "10 Parenting Tips for Raising Teenagers," suggests that getting a tattoo might be something to worry about, but that blue hair and a messy room are not that important. Letting your daughter make some of her own choices helps prepare her for the time when she will need to make all of her own decisions.