Perfectionism in Teens

Defining Success

• Success and perfection are not synonymous. A successful person typically has one or two strengths that she learns how to develop to her greatest potential. A perfectionistic person often feels like everything about her must be flawless or she̵7;s a failure, explains pediatrician Kenneth Ginsburg, writing for the Psychology Today website. A perfectionistic teenager might set such impossible goals for herself that it̵7;s a guarantee that she̵7;ll fall short. When this happens, the devastation and misery is extreme.

Taking Chances

• Perfectionistic teenagers may be so caught up in their unrealistic goals of perfection that they become paralyzed by the possibility of taking a chance, fearing failure. If kids can̵7;t feel confident in stepping out toward a challenging goal, the result could be a stifling inertia, warns the American Academy of Pediatrics' HealthyChildren.org website.

Anxiety

• As this fear of failure takes root in a teenager, he may develop symptoms of anxiety, according to clinical assistant professor Alexandra L. Barzvi, with the NYU School of Medicine. A teen may experience extreme worry over performance and efforts academically and socially. After an event or a situation, the youngster might dissect every nuance of his performance and judge himself harshly if he did not meet his own strict standards. This level of anxiety can be disturbing for the teenager as he struggles to manage his difficult emotions.

Firstborn Tendencies

• Firstborn children often have perfectionistic tendencies, states psychologist Kevin Leman. It̵7;s also common for firstborn children to have a people-pleasing attitude, which creates a desire for approval from parents and others. Part of the perfectionistic firstborn proclivity stems from the birth order ̵1; parents have more ability to focus attention and efforts on the firstborn child.

Unconditional Acceptance

• When you recognize perfectionistic behavior in your child, check the way you interact with her and encourage her. To help her alter her extreme drive for perfection, provide unconditional acceptance for her efforts, advises the American Academy of Pediatrics. She̵7;s already trying hard, so tell her that doing her best is enough ̵1; it̵7;s all you can ask of her and all she can ask of herself. Focus on important character traits such as empathy, integrity, kindness and unselfishness to help your teen realize that these are important attributes that will help her succeed generally in life.