How to Communicate with a Teenager

You may be wondering what happened to the child who wouldn't stop talking. Middle-school kids tend to share everything, regardless of whether their parents want to hear it. If you have ever wished your little chatterbox would be quiet, you may be regretting that now that she is a surly teenager. It's important to accept that, with the teenage years, comes a greater need for privacy and independence. Friends and dates become more important than parents, whose attempts to help may be interpreted as interference or nosiness. However, it's still vital that you find a way to communicate with your teenager in order to remain a positive influence on her, boost her self-esteem and help her make healthy decisions.

Instructions

    • 1

      Make time to talk to your teenager on a daily basis about what is going on in his life. If he knows you are genuinely interested in him, he will be more likely to confide in you if he has troubles or needs advice. Take advantage of any opportunities when the two of you are alone together to have a meaningful discussion, such as the car journey to an after-school activity or when your teen is assisting you with household chores.

    • 2

      Ask your teenager seemingly innocent questions, such as "What routine did you practice at cheer today" or "What video game are you playing right now?" This won't put your teen's guard up the same way a direct question like "Who is the new boy you are hanging about with?" If you can engage your teenager in conversation about banal aspects of her life, she may volunteer the information you are looking for.

    • 3

      Listen to your teenager. Listening is just as important as speaking in healthy, positive communication. Any time your teen comes to you for advice or to share some news is a positive step for your relationship. Let him speak without interruption or judgment. You will have plenty of time to get your views across later. For now, stay quiet and show him you value his thoughts and opinions.

    • 4

      Think before you react to what your teenager says. If she says "A guy at school has asked me on a date" and you respond by saying "You're far too young for a boyfriend," you've ruined the opportunity to have an important conversation with her about dating and healthy relationships. It would be better to ask your teen something like "How do you feel about this guy" or "Do you have any concerns about dating?" Ask questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" answer to encourage a meaningful, productive conversation.

    • 5

      Keep your emotions in check, no matter how anxious or upset your teenager is. One of your responsibilities as a parent is to be a calming, comforting influence on your children. Help your teenager see things in a rational way to reduce his anxiety and help him work through his problems. Keep strong opinions about your teenager's friends, teachers and coaches to yourself. If your teen has a fight with his best friend and you start bad-mouthing the friend, you'll feel like the bad one if they make up. You'll create a barrier between you and your teenager if you make him feel he has to defend his friends.

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