When to Put a Teenage Daughter on Birth Control

After a Talk

• Don't wait for your teenage daughter to come to you to make the decision to put her on birth control. As Naomi Baum, an experienced child psychologist, asserts, "Keeping the lines of communication open so that kids can talk things over with their parents, particularly when things are not going well, helps build relationships."

  Even if you disagree with her answers, invite her to talk to you about her thoughts about sexual activity. If she seems curious or on the fence about becoming sexually active, it may be time to take her to a doctor. Not only can the gynecologist provide her with the birth control she may desperately need, but he or she can have a frank and confidential conversation with your teenage daughter about the risks of sexual activity.

A Serious Boyfriend

• Your teenage daughter may not feel comfortable opening up to you about her sexual behavior, especially if she has reason to believe that you may respond in a negative way. And she may not be mature enough yet to elevate the consequences of teenage motherhood over an uncomfortable confrontation.

  If your daughter has a serious boyfriend, no matter her age, Dr. Ruth Peters advises against trying to prevent your teenage daughter from getting too close to him, even if you fear that she may become sexually active too soon: "You can try to restrict their relationship, but that's often a recipe for disaster. If they truly feel that they are in love, many teens find ways to continue seeing each other---leading to sneaky behavior and a loss of trust between parent and child."

  Instead, take her to a gynecologist (no matter what she says about her plans to become sexually active). She may be desperately in need of birth control or sexual advice from a third party, but too afraid to tell you.

She Asks for It

• If your teenage daughter approaches you about going on birth control, many child psychologists offer the warning that denying her birth control is unlikely to alter her behavior and puts your daughter and your family at risk. Dr. Wes Crenshaw reminds parents of the reality that, "It's not that your daughter may want to have sex. The risk is that she is having sex and you may soon be a grandparent if you don't pay heed to her request."

  You should be proud that your teenage daughter is mature enough and feels close enough to you to make this important decision. She is letting you know that it is time to put her on birth control and it is in the family's best interest to heed her advice no matter what your personal feelings about teenage sexuality may be. Dr. Ruth Peters believes that skeptical parents should remember that the stakes are just too high: "Many, many teens who do not take the pill engage in sex and some do become pregnant. An unplanned teen pregnancy is an extremely difficult situation---with many gut-wrenching decisions to be made."