How to Talk to a Teen

Set a positive tone. Happy conversations are more likely when you're both in an upbeat mood. Pay attention to the mood you're setting. If either one of you is upset, the conversation will head downhill quickly. If you're demanding that they tell you stuff, they won't be eager to visit. If they're cranky, the talk won't go well either. Remember when your teen was a toddler; you probably distracted her from an upset by focusing on something more interesting. Distraction works well with teens too. So before you ask too many questions, make sure that you unwind first. Offer a snack. The best way to begin a good conversation is over food.

Drop whatever you're doing, sit down and look interested. If you're reading the paper when your teen walks in the room, put it down and say, "You won't believe what I just read," and then share a story from the paper. If you're doing the dishes, dry off your hands and say, "Come visit with me for a minute."

Smile and look friendly. A smile encourages conversation easier than a scowl. Friendliness gets the point across quicker than a lecture, scolding or sarcasm. Greet your son or daughter with a smile and a friendly, "Hi there, honey." (Warning: don't say anything that might embarrass a teen in front of friends.) Seeing you light up will be a reminder of how much you like being around them. That will be encouragement for hanging around longer.

Do not roll your eyes and sigh. You know how you don't like it when teens sigh, shake their heads and roll their eyes at you, so don't roll your eyes at them. Keep disapproval in check. Just because they're stating an opinion that you think is ridiculous--doesn't mean you always need to poo-poo it. Save disapproval for big issues.

Talk about exciting subjects. If every conversation you have with a teen is about what they did or didn't do, they will avoid you. If you want a teen to talk with you regularly, you have to bring up new and exciting subjects. From photography to music, dance, jokes and sports--there are many subjects to explore. Subjects that are exciting and new set the groundwork for sharing.

Play the "get to know me" game: Each person takes a turn listing three things that others don't know about. Two of the items are true and factual and one is made up. The other person guesses which two things are true and which one is false.

Allow for the teen's point of view. Teens are at the stage of: "I know more than you do," and while they might know more about pop culture or the latest technology product, it isn't the whole story. As a parent you've had more life experience, but during conversations it's best to listen so that you can find out what your teen knows.

Choose short sentences over paragraphs. Timing can make a big difference in how the conversation goes. If you're hoping to get a point across, it's best to keep it simple and to the point. You're the parent, but you don't need to flaunt it during every conversation.