How to Parent a Gay Teen
Maybe your teen has just told you that he is gay. Or perhaps you suspect your child is gay and you don't know how to broach the subject. No matter the circumstances, there are steps you can take to help your child navigate through the challenges that can arise when dealing with issues of sexual orientation. Every adolescent has a lot to deal with. Sorting through his emerging sexual orientation adds yet one more challenge.
Instructions
Look at the total picture of your child's life and don't get obsessed with his sexuality. During adolescence, your child faces the daunting tasks of figuring out who he is, how he fits in with peers, how to reconcile conflicting pressures from home, school and friends and what role, what place he ultimately wants to assume in his pursuit of a fulfilling, satisfying life. He does all this while trying to juggle the normal, teenage past-times of academics, sports, chores, extra-curricular activities and friendships. Your child's sexual orientation is but one aspect of his being human. Sexuality is important, but don't let this issue obscure the total humanity of your child. He may be many different things, a musician, a nerd, a jock, and he may be gay, but above all else, he is just another human being struggling to do his best in life. Know and show your love and unconditional acceptance of your child as a human being. Whether your child is out to you or still engaged in the struggle of trying to figure out her sexual orientation and identity, she needs to know that her parents love her for who she is. This does not mean that you have to approve of everything she does. As a parent you have the job of helping her to learn how to be responsible, make wise choices and acquire the skills and temperament that will see her through adulthood. However, her sexual identity is not something she is taught or decides. Just like whether she is right-handed, left-handed or ambidextrous, it is something she discovers over the course of time through experience and self-observation. Support her and love her during her discovery process. Explore your own feelings and beliefs about homosexuality and your child's sexuality. Understand that you, too, are on a road of discovery. Learn what you can from articles and support websites, such as Parenting and Gay Family Support. If you are frightened, distressed or worried, consider speaking with a counselor, who can help you sort through your feelings. As you adjust your expectations and learn more about your child and about the gay community, you will find that your gay child can have a happy, productive life. In the mean time, deal with your fears so they don't sabotage your relationship with your child. Understand and take comfort knowing you are not alone. Estimates vary, but anywhere from 2 to 10 percent of the population are lesbian, gay or bisexual. This means that in the United States alone some 3 to 15 million people have sorted through the same issues as your child and twice that number of parents have gone through experiences like you are now. Talk and listen to your child. Let your child explore her emerging self using you as a sounding board. Be open-minded about your child's sexuality, but stay true to your values regarding sexual behavior. Discuss safe sex and talk about the qualities you value in relationships, such as trust and mutual respect. Try to foster openness but still respect your child's privacy. Respect his wishes about who you can discuss his sexuality issues with. Ultimately, what goes on in your child's sex life and sexual fantasies are his or her own business.
