What Makes Teens Feel Independent?

As a parent of a teen, you walk the line between raising a child and raising a young adult, which can present a few problems. Give your teen too much independence and it could be abused. Neglect to give your teen any independence at all and she misses out on growth opportunities that help shape her into a responsible adult. By knowing how teens feel more independent, you can pick and choose experiences that can help her become more responsible.

  1. Choices

    • When your teen was a toddler, you were the one in charge of making the big choices in his life. Everything from what to wear to what to eat was up to you. When raising a teen, allowing him to make choices can help foster independence, notes Louisiana State University AgCenter family development professor Dr. Diane Sasser. While you might still be in charge of the big stuff, like whether or not he gets the keys to the car or setting his curfew, he can choose things like his personal style, his friends and his extracurricular activities.

    Responsibility

    • While your teen might groan when she's asked to take out the trash or throw in a load of laundry, these responsibilities around the home actually help her feel more independent. That's because they're teaching her life skills that she may one day need when living out of your house. Baby-sitting, making a dinner or being in charge of cleaning her room help her to become a more independent person -- even if she whines.

    Relationships

    • Teen relationships might seem juvenile to you as a parent, but to a teen, having a boyfriend or girlfriend or spending time with his best friend seems very independent and adult. Your teen gets to choose the people who are in his life and then decide how to interact with them regularly, which makes him feel independent. And, while it's OK to give him space and independence when he's chatting on the phone with his new girlfriend, make sure your teen knows you care enough to advise him on proper dating protocol, relationship emotions and safe sex.

    Freedom

    • There's a reason the 16th birthday is one of the most important; it's because that's when your teen finally has access to a car. For teens, cars mean freedom and freedom means independence. Giving your teen some leeway in her schedule or handing over the keys on a Friday night means you're giving her the freedom that she craves to make choices independent of your input. Of course, putting a cap on freedom can help stop your teen from abusing that right. For instance, while you might let her borrow the car, it needs to be back at midnight or she loses car privileges.

    Forming Opinions

    • As a parent, you hope that you instill the values, morals and standards that are important to you in your teen. Still, don't be surprised if your teen forms opinions that are completely different than yours -- it's simply a way of asserting his independence. He'll form his own opinions from a combination of core values, peers, media and education that are completely his own.

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