How to Be a Stepdad to Teens
Becoming a stepparent to any child can be a difficult transition, but becoming a stepparent to a teenager might seem like an insurmountable challenge. Teen years are characterized by a struggle toward independence, which can make teens more prone to hostile and competitive behavior when a new authority figure steps into the picture. You can make this transition easier on both of you by looking at it from your new teen's perspective and recognizing how you can help or hinder the relationship's development. Welcome to stepparenting -- it's going to be an unforgettable ride.
Instructions
Avoid favoritism. If you're bringing your own children into the relationship, it might be easy for your stepchild to interpret the slightest nuance as favoritism toward your biological child. If your new teen believes you favor your own child and act unfairly toward him -- whether this is real or imagined -- hostility can develop in your relationship as well as the relationship between your biological child and stepchild. Teens are less likely to share their feelings openly, meaning the hostility might build without your knowledge. If you actively involve yourself in your own child's homework, do the same with your stepchild. Attend your children̵7;s extracurricular activities equally, as well as any school functions. Be enthusiastic about your stepchild's life. Reassure your stepchild that you aren't trying to take the place of her biological parent. Say, for example, ̶0;I̵7;d like to be part of your life, but I know you love your dad very much and I would never try to take his place with you." If she feels you are overstepping your boundaries, it might not be long before your new teenager is defying any authority you try to invoke and justifying her actions with snide remarks, such as, ̶0;You aren't my real dad!" Let your partner handle disciplinary issues. It's OK for you and your partner to discuss rules, expectations and consequences, but let her do the grounding, privilege-removing or other disciplinary actions. You're still working with your partner to raise your family together, but there is no reason for your new teen to feel as if you're crossing any line. Arrange regular family meetings to discuss personal and family issues. These gatherings should give your new teen the opportunity to express any issues or concerns he has with you or your partner, siblings, school or any other topic he feels is important. Since your stepchild might not feel comfortable talking to you one-on-one about personal issues, family meetings let him talk to the family as a whole and establish communication. These meetings also send a message to your step-teen: You're available to listen, you want to help and you are part of the family. Before long, he should feel more comfortable coming to you outside the designated discussion times. Get involved in your stepchild's life. You don't have to tag along on her mall trips with friends -- she probably wouldn't appreciate that -- but let her know you want to get to know her and the things that are important to her. Ask her about her friends and what she likes to do for fun; ask about her pet peeves and her goals. Be sure you don't judge, and definitely don't lecture; listen, welcome what she is willing to share and get to know her. Offer affection. He might not appreciate an overabundance of hugs, but a pat on the back when his studying pays off or a high five when his basketball team wins isn't too mushy for your independent teen. It will convey the message that you care and you are happy to share in his ups and downs.