How Much Pampering Do Teenagers Require?

Emotional Connection

• Connecting with your teenagers on an emotional level is one of the best ways to ensure they get enough attention. TV talk show host Phil McGraw, at DrPhil.com, encourages parents to redefine what good parenting truly entails -- providing for teens' emotional and spiritual needs. Parents shouldn't pamper their teenagers with excessive material goods or their teens will associate love and affection with possessions. Spending quality time with your kids, investing in their hobbies or interests and providing for their basic needs is the best way to love them unconditionally, without spoiling or overindulging them.

Occasional Coddling

• It isn't wrong to coddle your teenager occasionally. You want your teen to feel special, so it's OK to buy her something special, give her an extra privilege or take her on a lunch date with just the two of you. You might take her out for ice cream when she's feeling blue or pay for her to get her nails done. When pampering is done occasionally, rather than daily, your teen will likely appreciate the delightful moments more and won't feel entitled to the special treatment.

Delayed Gratification

• Teenagers who have a balanced perspective about money and privileges learn that they are to be earned, rather than assumed or taken. Responsible and accountable teens, who don't take rewards for granted, are less likely to feel entitled. They don't expect to be pampered because they realize that overindulgence doesn't help them grow up or mature. Delayed gratification, discipline, respect, hard work, constructive decision-making and gratitude are positive values that lead to healthy lifestyles and relationships, says psychologist and professor Jim Taylor at PsychologyToday.com. Parents should promote these values, rather than focusing on ways to indulge their teens.

Parents Are in Charge

• Pampering your teens can lead to a sense of entitlement where they feel that they are in charge of making all decisions and are in control of the household. You want your teens to learn to make independent decisions and solve knotty problems, but you must remain in charge. Otherwise, your teens will try to get their way through manipulation, pouting, yelling, crying, door slamming and making you feel guilty, says McGraw. A firm and fair authoritative role, motivated by love, will show your teens that you expect them to behave respectfully and interact kindly with you and others in the home. You can shower them with love, without tolerating misconduct or self-indulgence.