Preparing a Teen to Adjust to New Siblings

While your teen may not feel threatened by a new sibling in the same way that a preschooler or toddler would, she may still show some jealousy towards her new brother or sister. Whether you are having a new baby, adopting a young child or adding stepsiblings to a blended family, preparing your teen for this adjustment is an absolute must in order to smooth the transition.

  1. A New Baby

    • The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that parents of older kids help them to prepare for a new baby by having them assist in the readying process. This means that your teen can help you to decorate the baby's nursery by picking out colors, putting together furniture or painting. They can also help choose and store the baby's new clothes or go shopping with your for essentials such as diapers and wipes. Let your teen know that he isn't just a built-in babysitter -- although it's perfectly acceptable to ask him to pitch in and help with some of the baby care -- and that his needs are still just as important to you.

    Adopted Siblings

    • Preparing your teen for the adjustments that adoption brings on may seem somewhat more challenging than those necessary for a new baby. Unlike a new biological baby, adopted siblings may come with issues of their own. Older adoptees may have emotional or behavioral problems that will take up a high percentage of your time and energy. Talk to your teen about her adopted siblings before they arrive, being as honest as possible. The adoption process is often shaky at best, leaving your entire family questioning if and when the new child, or children, will actually arrive. Give your teen a realistic time-line that explains the events leading up to the adoption -- such as having to travel overseas, getting court approval or waiting periods for filing documents. Additionally, you may need to take part in a home visit prior to the new sibling's arrival. Prepare your teen for this by telling her what will happen when the visit occurs and why this stranger -- usually a social worker -- is coming to her home.

    Blended Families

    • Helping your teen adjust to new stepsiblings also has its challenges. While there are certainly some families that make this transition seamlessly, having some issues or roadblocks isn't unusual. The AAP notes that it's common for stepsiblings to get along well at first, before they feel comfortable enough with each other to show their true colors and express any resentful feelings. Additionally, step-siblings may create competitiveness when it comes to your, or the other parent's, attention. Prepare your teen to adjust to her new stepbrother or sister by discussing her worries and reassuring her that you will always listen to what she has to say. If possible, ease the adjustment period by giving everyone their own space. Assign individual rooms to new stepsiblings instead of expecting that your teen will suddenly share her room with a new sister.

    Concerns

    • Your teen, or you, may have concerns as you prepare for a new child to enter the house. Whether you are having a baby, adopting or moving stepsiblings in, your teen may worry that he will get lost in the shuffle, have extra work to do -- such as staying home on a Saturday night to babysit -- or lose privileges that he once had such as use of the family car or his own bedroom. Another concern to take into account is the rest of your family and friends' reactions to the new sibling. Tell your extended family and family friends to talk to your teen about topics that don't revolve around the baby. This can help your teen to feel like less is changing and provide reassurance that everyone still cares about him.

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