Lessons on Teenage Insecurity

Adolescence is a time that is ripe with intense emotions, body changes and often complete confusion. Even the most confident-seeming teen may at times become insecure about almost anything from her looks to her school skills. That said, whether your teen is outright insecure, or she is more subtle in her signals, helping her through this turbulent time with a few lessons on self-esteem can build confidence and make the high school years a more positive experience.

  1. Understanding Insecurity

    • Whether your teen is feeling confusion about why he suddenly went from a confident kid to an insecure adolescent or you are not quite sure as to why his self-esteem suddenly took a turn for the worse, understanding the basics of insecurity is a first step to solving your child's problem. Self-esteem -- according to the child development experts at the KidsHealth website -- comrises the feelings and images that your teen has about himself. When your teen feels secure, he will most likely have a positive sense of self-esteem and, consequently, as equally a positive view about himself. Conversely, when he feels insecure he may think of himself in a negative way, such as stupid, ugly or socially awkward. You can help your teen better understand the differences between positive self-esteem, or security in himself, and negative self-esteem, or insecurity, by having him make a list of his personal traits. Instruct your teen to split a piece of notebook paper, making a positive column on one half and a negative column on the other. Discuss what he writes, helping him to discern between reality and his insecure beliefs.

    Puberty and Insecurity

    • One of the main reasons that your teen may suddenly feel insecure is the changes that puberty brings on. As your teen's body starts the journey from little kid to almost-adult, puberty ushers in an array of physical changes such as the development of breasts as well as hormonal upheaval that may result in oily hair or acne-prone skin. Whether your teen starts puberty early, late or right in the middle, chances are that she is constantly comparing herself to her peers, making a formerly confident child feel insecure. Instead of just telling your teen that these changes happen to everyone, try a lesson on puberty and insecurity. Show your teen pictures of yourself, her aunt, family friends or even grandma, all at her age. Have her compare the vast differences that she may see -- such as that Aunt Emily towered over her older brother at age 14 and that you had a face full of pimples -- to her own appearance. This will help her understand that there is no one "normal" when it comes to teens and puberty.

    Social Insecurity

    • When it comes to your teen's social circles, he may suddenly feel insecure about who he is, or isn't, friends with. Cliques often dominate the middle and high school years, making teens feel on the outs or socially isolated at times. Unlike true friend groups -- which include peers who have like interests and support each other emotionally -- cliques typically feature a set of guidelines for behavior or appearance that the members use to exclude other kids, according to the pediatric pros at the KidsHealth website. If your teen feels insecure about his social standing, unpopular or is losing self-esteem because the other kids at school are isolating him, teach him a lesson on the difference between cliques and real friends. Discuss the exclusionary nature of cliques and remind him that kids who exclude him based on a superficial characteristic such as what he wears aren't really his friends. Help him to feel less alone by adding in your own cliquish experiences during high school or watching teen flicks such as "Means Girls."

    Peer Pressure

    • As if cliques aren't challenging enough to deal with during the teen years, peer pressure can compound your teen's insecurities even more. Peer pressure can make it difficult for your teen to feel confident about herself or trust her own decision-making skills. Your teen may feel pressure to drink alcohol, use drugs, smoke, engage in sexual behaviors, cut class or do other activities that she knows aren't acceptable or are morally wrong. Whether your teen shows dramatic signs of insecurity due to the pressures that her so-called friends are outing in her to fit in, or you just suspect that she is struggling with these issues, try a role-playing activity. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that role-playing scenes -- such as how to say no when a peer pressures her to try drugs -- is a helpful way to teach her how to say "no."

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